Season 2, Episode 2

Leading in Conversation
Leading in Conversation
Season 2, Episode 2
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Transcript

Kate: Hello and welcome to episode 2 of season 2 of Leading in Conversation. It’s great to have Nelis back with me today. Hi Nelis. Why don’t you introduce our special guest for today? 

Nelis: Hi Kate, it’s good to be back and, yes, we do this together with Peter van Dingenen, a Belgian surgeon who is a friend I met in Kandern, where I live, who has worked for 20 years in Burkina Faso doing medical work, who is deeply invested in working with people, rather than for people. Maybe we’ll come back to that later. And that touches, of course, on conversational leadership. So when we started talking about this concept, he got really interested, “Okay, this is partially reflecting what I already do and partially inspiring”. Peter, tell us a little bit more about what you did in Burkina Faso, and maybe how that touches on conversational leadership? 

Peter: Thank you, Nelis and Kate, for being here. A little introduction maybe about myself. We – my wife and I – we’ve been working since ‘92 in Burkina Faso, mainly in medical missions. We’ve worked there five years, me as a nurse, and she as a chemist. And then after five years, that was 97, we went back to Belgium where I was able to finish my medical studies, that took us nine years. In 2006, by that time, we had four daughters, we went back, but my wife and I, we had this experience already in the 90s where the project we worked for was pretty much top down oriented and we just had to execute the projects that were given to us. Still, we tried to have a very participatory approach to all of this and then to end the story, in 2016 because of the studies of our children mainly, we came to Kandern where three of our daughters attended Black Forest Academy. 

Nelis: You started talking about one of those initial experiences of top-down leadership. Can you say a bit more about that and how that frustrated you and inspired you to do things differently. 

Peter: Actually, I wanted to start by saying, of course, in 92 – with Ineke – we prepared to get there and we read books and we had to do training, but I was very happy that during the first weeks of us being there I read one sentence that really stuck in my head for the rest of my life, where it said “In development work we all too often throw answers like stones to the heads of the people who never asked a question in the first place”. 

Nelis: I love that quote. Kate, what do you think?

Kate: Wow, that’s very profound. Yes, we’re answering questions that people haven’t even asked. 

Nelis: Throwing stones to people as an image of the way we often approach problems is really rich because I think that’s part of what we discuss in our podcast, isn’t it? 

Kate: It implies a distance, it implies one-sidedness. No participation, no conversation. 

Peter: Yeah, it implies also hurting people. Yes. 

Kate: Which sadly top-down leadership can often do and many kinds of leadership can. 

Nelis, So, you said that inspired you, you saw that happening. Say a bit more. 

Peter: Yes, I saw that happening. Well, one of the results of that approach is that today the project where we worked is gone. It’s just one more, big white elephant, like, we call them in Belgium: these projects that look really nice really, in the beginning, and have really nice pictures. And of course, while we were there, we were able to save thousands of children from hunger death. We were able to give information to mothers, how to prevent their children being underfed and how to grow vegetable gardens and so on. But still, it’s very sad that once the promoters of the project moved out of the project, the project just dies. 

Nelis: Because it never responded to the real question people were asking? 

Peter: Right. Well, they do ask the question, they are in pain and they see a problem but they have never been involved in defining how to get the problem solved. 

Nelis: Yes, so it’s for them rather than with them 

Peter: Right, and so one of the examples was my first project. Just a little sketch of the place we were: we were in a rural village. There was a centre for malnourished children and a small dispensary. And around that village there were five other villages and we were kind of responsible for the preventative work in those villages. These villages had been through a program sponsored by the European community to put latrines and it was like for a country wide program where they said like, “One village, one latrine”. Well it was a big latrine with many entrances. The way they approached is they funded a big hole in a place in the village at the villagers figured out, and put a big concrete slab on it and some walls. And yeah, that was it. And so the villagers were very happy with that. Thank you very much for the gift. And when we arrived there it was like six months after they had implanted these latrines in the villages. So I visited them, and saw that most of them were either already broken because of heavy rains. In some the concrete slab was so heavy that it kind of sunk, so no one dared to go on there, scared to fall in. I would not go there. And then, I saw one in particular that struck me. They had built it right next to the marketplace. You can imagine the smells. So, yeah, that was the result. I think, from a very non-participatory way of approach, of a very good idea. And so working as a medical professional of course I knew that there was  an enormous lack of hygiene in the villages, shown by the high numbers of children dying from diarrhoea and dysentery and people being very sick all the time, having intestinal problems. Of course in my agenda, the first thing I wanted to do is find a way to have better hygiene in the villages and not just by washing more your hands. And in that thought process, of course, I was new to the area, I didn’t know the language. So, how on earth am I going as a total stranger trying to convince people to build latrines, as an answer to the problem of all their children being sick, and that on top of it, without money. There wasn’t a budget for my program. 

Nelis: That sounds a little bit like often the leadership challenges many of us have: there’s no money and people aren’t excited about it. 

Peter: But then I saw it more like a challenge. I was very frustrated, of course, by seeing so many projects all across Africa, looking nice on pictures and reports. But seeing that a lot of these projects are – I like to call them big white elephants – and no one wants that. Honestly speaking, no one wants to hear that at the end, that it works out like that. So how will I do this? I think language is a very, very, very important and powerful tool to work with, but also a very dangerous one. I was blessed enough to have a local pastor who spoke both French and the local language. And as I got to know him, when I listened to him, preaching, or translating into French, I understood that he was more translating the idea, not so much the words. I was like, “Oh, that’s an interesting person”. So I got to sit down with him and I exposed him to the problem at hand, that I was responsible to help the people in the villages. And I asked him if he would be okay to translate for me, and he also knew all these people in the villages, so that was a plus. So I decided not to go with the four wheel drive truck to the villages, because when you come to a village like that, they all stare at the vehicle and they say, “Oh that guy has a lot of money. Let’s see how, you know, how you get some from that”, which is normal. I have to honestly say the only thing that I bought for that project was a bicycle so that I could get around to the villages. 

Nelis: Everything else was provided, that’s what you say. 

Peter: Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t put any money into that project. 

Nelis: So what did it take for people to do that? Because that is the conversational leadership challenge. 

Peter: Yes. So I went to the villages and I even said, I decided that I would behave like a total stranger. Of course, I read books and I knew what a latrine was and how to build it, and blah, blah, blah. And I know that there was a need of clean water and education for the kids and vaccination and what not, to get them to a better health situation. 

Nelis: But you acted, as if you didn’t.

Peter: As if we didn’t. So first you, when you go somewhere and that’s anywhere in the world that’s not just Africa. Anywhere also in Europe,  you go and you cannot make statements or say, this is what you need to do or not to do, you just say hi. I’m a total stranger. I’m very happy that I can be in your place. 

Kate: I think that’s a really interesting insight that you share there, Peter, because one of the things about conversational leadership is that the leader needs to take on a new role. We’ve talked about this in some of our earlier episodes last season, that, you know, the whole concept of hero leadership, the leader knows everything, the leader has the vision for the project. Conversational leadership completely flips that around and has the leader coming as a learner, as a facilitator, as a participant. And what you’re saying really demonstrates that.

Nelis: Yeah and I love how it brings that theory into a really concrete practical thing. You know some of the answers but you cannot throw them at people like stones because as soon as you do that, it hurts people and they’re not listening.

Peter: It’s counter productive and they’re not engaged anymore. And they told me about the village and I said, are there any problems you have here in this village? And pretty soon they were telling me that, yeah, the children are very sick and there’s no school and they don’t have enough water during dry season and there’s some housing problems. So, of course, they talked about a few things. And then in a second visit, we would approach these things again, these four or five main items that always show up in villages like that, and just asking questions about it, together with my pastor friend. We decided, of course, that you could try to help them to get clean water. But the first thing that would be done is to protect these waters. So we both agreed that helping people to have better hygiene would be a better approach. So when we went on these sessions we just started by asking questions. “So you told us about your children being sick all the time. That’s actually very interesting because where I come from children don’t die from, or don’t have these diseases. So, help me to understand, what’s going on”. So I took an approach where I don’t know anything. You tell me. 

Nelis: This is neat because, as Kate said earlier, that the role of you as leader was one of guiding to where they want to go, asking, helping them find solutions. Yes. So it’s the very facilitative role rather than the guy with all the answers. 

Peter: Yes, and so they told me. “Oh yes, well our children have diarrhoea all the time and I said yeah, well why?” and they said, “Well, it’s because of the food they eat”, and I said, “Oh, what’s wrong with the food?” And they would go. “Yeah, it’s the women. They don’t cover the food when it’s finished”, something like that. And then I said, “I can’t understand, why?”, and they say, “There’s flies,  and the flies sit on the food and, and our children, they play everywhere”. So they started blaming others, of course. Most of them were men, but there were some women too. And then it became awkward and they go like, “Well, at our place it’s not like your place.” “Yeah I kind of figured that, but tell me more, I really don’t understand”. And they said “Well, when you entered the village, the bushes you saw there, left, that’s where we go, if we need to go”, something like that. I said, “Oh, okay”. “Yeah, well and then the flies sit there and get on the food”. So very interestingly, they already knew a few of the basic hygienic reasons why things happen, it was not all spirits, apparently. And so it went on and on, not to go into too much detail, because such a conversation can easily take up to two hours if everyone is relaxed and everyone wants to pitch in something that he knows. And that’s interesting too because all of a sudden, someone knows something that the other one didn’t mention and they’re kind of proud to tell that to everyone. 

Nelis: I love again with your saying here, because what you’re saying is you can’t take a shortcut to the solution. No. So the conversational leadership approach is one where you’ve got to kind of go with the flow and allow time to guide you in a way. 

Kate: Yeah. And letting things emerge. At the beginning of conversation, people might not think that they know the answers, the solutions to their own problems. But the act of talking then, you know, somebody says something and that triggers something for someone else and then they build on each other. And by the end you got quite a comprehensive set of causes that have emerged because everyone had a little part of the solution perhaps. 

Nelis: But it also shows that your a role as leader in that conversation was not just one of passively listening because the normal around-the-fire conversation would not have resulted in this? Right. It was very much a guided conversation.

Kate: So you were asking leading questions and bringing in new information, such as “Where I come from our infants, our children don’t all die of these diseases”. So that was a new piece of information you were bringing into the conversation, stimulating a discussion about, well, why does it happen here? 

Peter: Yeah, there we got to the point where, yeah, I even brought in at some point where I said, is the food not good? Did God give you – because everyone over there believes in God, so everything is related to God what they do. And so I said, you know, “Did God give you a bad harvest or something or is it the food you eat? Is that the cause maybe?” They said, “No, no, it’s not that”. So they kind of really started to take on, kind of feel that there was some responsibility from their own part where they could actually… to get them where they could actually decide, “Oh maybe we could do something about it”.

Nelis: And then they were motivated. 

Peter: Yes. Yes, at some point I really asked the question, I said, “So, is there anything you could do about this situation” and in most villages I have to say there was already a few people who kind of have dug their own latrines and they were using them. Then you all of a sudden have two, three people who are very proud to explain to the others, what they did, and how that worked out for them. What was even more inspiring and interesting for me is that all of a sudden you have these people discussing what types of wood you have to use to cover the pit. And then someone even said, “Yeah, and you have to take leaves of the néré tree to put on that wood so that the termites don’t eat the wood. I could never have found that in any book, not even on Google. Google didn’t even exist back then. It’s just so amazing that all of a sudden you see a much better solution. 

Nelis: And it’s really interesting because what you’re saying is that concrete slab could not work because it was too heavy, it would sink into the ground. 

Peter: Yes, as soon as the rains began, it starts to sink.

Nelis: But the people knew how a proper latrine would work. Yes.

Kate: They already had the knowledge, the information needed there – I love that – and the external solution was doomed to failure, the concrete was just too heavy in that context with that kind of ground. That’s fascinating. 

Nelis: And that’s fascinating isn’t it, because that applies to leadership situations in any context. 

Peter: Yes. Yes. We have to be open, people have to be open, and they want to get somewhere or help people to get somewhere, you have to be open to what they know, not so much to what we know. 

Nelis: So you start building those, to make a long story short? 

Peter: No, I didn’t build anything! So the other thing was, someone said, “Oh, it smells very bad to have such a thing”. I said, “Well what I could do to kind of join in the project, I could go to the capital every six weeks and I have a pickup truck so if someone wants a pipe – they figured out that you need to put a pipe in there and then it’s 2 metres high and then the bad air just flows up and no one smells it”. I said each one should pay, it was an equivalent of two dollars just for that pipe that I could buy it for them, and I said, you know, make a list of those who paid, the transportation will be for free because I’m going to the capital anyway. Something like that. Well they never showed up with a list, nor the money. So I figured that wasn’t that important to them. It was just  a part of a conversation and the thoughts they had. 

Nelis: That’s interesting. So you didn’t insist on your pipe. You basically said, they don’t think that part is important, then we’ll do it without the pipe. Yes. I love that. But they didn’t build it next to the market place.

Peter: No. And that was, so I really asked the question, “So, how do you want to build that? We just had a project here, I saw that big thing. And they said “No, no, no, that’s not the way to do it. Actually, every single family should have a latrine next to their house.

I said, “Oh, that’s an interesting idea. From what you’re saying I think that might be a very good solution”. At the end of the conversation, as soon as I saw that people said, “Hey we need to do that, we just need to do that’, I stepped out of my role actually and I said, “Hey, listen, if you build these latrines, that’s fine. If you don’t build these latrines that’s fine with me. Nothings going to change in me being a, you know, good friend to the village. But of course, you have to understand, since you said that the water you’re drinking might be infected, the next time that you offer me water to drink it will be difficult for me. I will drink it but I have to take into account that it might make me sick”. Because in Africa, as most of our listeners know, it’s very rude to refuse water that is offered, when you come to a village, that’s a cultural thing. I thank God for that idea that he put in my mind at that moment because I think that shows that cultural knowledge of where you work is important. And so you have to know the people and what is important to them. When I visited them, the first village was very interesting. That was the week of Ramadan. That meant that it was in April, it was the hottest month of the year. And so, for the next four days, they wouldn’t do anything. And I had promised them to visit them as part of my participation, just to visit them to see how the work was going, and what they were planning to do. And so, I would do that on a Friday because that’s their kind of day off. I went there on the next Friday. They didn’t work until the Tuesday. On Wednesday was Ramadan and they started digging on Thursday. And to my amazement 17 families had started digging. The most difficult thing for me was to walk for over two hours to visit each family, just to see what they were doing. But I tried to put it into more like a game where I, you know, visited and they were explaining what they were doing. And so someone who already was like over two meters deep and then I went to the next one and these young guys had just started and they were all sweating terribly and they would say, yeah here, that’s our pit. And I said, “Oh that’s interesting. I just went to your neighbours there and they already have like two meters”. And they were, “No, no, but we are just starting” Put some competition in there, just approach it not too seriously, have some fun doing that and they enjoy that and they appreciated my weekly visits just to see how the work proceeded. 

Nelis: But it’s interesting because, that again in conversation leadership, there is a significant leadership role, isn’t it? You didn’t pay for anything, you were not officially in charge of anything. These villagers were in charge of their own thing, but you had a hugely significant role in encouragement, in helping them arrive at their solution. All of that. 

Peter: That’s true. 

Nelis: That’s massive. 

Kate: I also love that you didn’t have to tell people to do anything, you facilitated the conversation.

They figured out the solution and then they implemented it. And often as leaders where we fall short is on the implementation. But if people come up with solutions themselves to their own problems, they are relevant, they are motivated to do it and they’ll make it happen. And 17 families had already started digging holes. All you had to do was go around and encourage and visit. Whereas, I think some of our efforts to implement things, perhaps, as leaders, where we haven’t involved people in developing the solutions. It’s much harder to get people, to persuade people to get on board with implementing things. 

Nelis: Also, the element of staying with people in the phase of implementation is very important. You don’t step out after facilitating the conversation. 

SPIKE

Peter: So, in the end with the five villages, we were able to have 46 new latrines built by themselves. I was thinking, how can I show my participation more tangibly? As we all know, family is very, very important in Africa. And I decided that I would do a family picture and put another little bit of competition there. And then they will all stand in front of the latrine and I’ll make a nice family picture. So you don’t see the latrine. 

Nelis: But you started off saying that you joined the organisation you were working with and you started doing all this work with the villages. And I’ve heard you talk to me before about an agricultural project you started with them as well, but then somehow it all came to a stop. It fell apart. You referred to this earlier. Because you said that was an example of top-down leadership. So what happened to contrast this beautiful picture of collaboration, conversational leadership, with the alternative. What happened? 

Peter: I can say in one sentence, I decided to go back to Europe to study medicine. I was a nurse back then. Saw a big need for medical care. And after five years, the biggest donor of the project sent a nurse to replace me. And during the three weeks’ transition, she literally said, even all the projects, income generating projects that I started like a vegetable garden, chicken farm, other things, she said, “Well, I don’t know anything about these kind of things, so we’ll stop that, and anyway, the donor will pay again 100% for the project”. Me having worked very hard to get it to 50% self-sufficiency. Yeah, after a few years, the donor retracted their funds, and the project died a slow death. 

Nelis: So that is the result of non-participation, no conversation, imposed solutions. Right. Because they’re always kind of short-term fixes. 

Peter: Yeah and I think people mean very well, but money is rarely the solution to the problem. It’s mostly counter productive. 

Nelis: That’s quite a meaningful comment, isn’t it? 

SPIKE 

Peter: After finishing these medical studies, Ineke and I, we decided to go back to Burkina Faso, now closer to the capital because we had to send our kids to school. But for us, it was very important, whatever we would be doing, it had to be participatory. We went back to help a doctor there to start a medical facility. But it became impossible for me to work at that place. I left that project and I was pretty much without a job. We happened to live in a street where like five houses down the street, there was another medical centre. One of the coworkers there came to see me and said, “Hey, why don’t you want to do some consultations at that place?”. And they said “We’d want to pay you for your job”. And that’s what they did. And thus started the money that we needed for whatever was coming next. Gradually, there was just someone who said, “Oh, you would like to do medical work and maybe hospital, maybe you need a piece of land?”. So we found a piece of land and bought that in a process. We also started to do mobile clinics in the villages in the primary schools and here again to be able to visit 250 children, in two days and do that properly, you need a lot of participation of local people. I needed the extra hands and since our children were going to the International School, we had some of them join us. And we have students join us for these medical visits. And again, in a very participatory way these students were involved in weighing the children and helping them through the visits and doing their eye tests and urine tests and so we can get a lot of information in a very short time indeed. 

Nelis: I love what you’re saying here because that’s what I’ve observed in your stories and your work. You tend to always see the possibility to bring in people from everywhere, that sense of creating more of a movement, rather than a structure. It’s one that I think characterises a lot of what you do and from a conversational leadership approach that is actually quite interesting. You didn’t have authority, hierarchical authority over anyone in the process.

Peter: No. I never actually had a very like… an official, like director of this or that. 

Nelis: So you create through conversations, through involvement, through inspiration, kind of a movement of people who are all sharing ideas.

Peter: Yeah, I have to say that for bringing in the school, it was actually a teacher at the school that said you were doing these medical visits, so that the kids have to do some community involvement thing, so could they join you in those visits.

Peter: So that’s what happened and for years in a row I think we visited over 25,000 children in total and for years in a row these students between 13 and 18 accompanied us on all these trips, including even the children of the President and the ministers of the country. It was amazing to see how they even got involved. We didn’t get any money from their parents to do that. And again, I didn’t need that money because the kids were there and I’m sure it will influence them for the rest of their lives. What they, you know, what they saw there? I know for a fact, there’s several students that became doctors and nurses because of it. 

SPIKE 28:50

Nelis: So now you work in Germany as a surgeon and I’ve heard you refer to our podcast on conversational leadership saying, “I wish that more people in the German healthcare system would listen to this”. So what are you seeing? How does the principles we talked about, that you applied in real life in Burkina Faso,  apply in a larger organisation like a German hospital? 

Peter: Well I see often how it goes wrong because it’s done wrong. You have new young people who want to become nurses and they come on the  ward and there’s a big whiteboard with their names on it. It’s like a big plan. So they have one side and on the x axis you have the names, on the y axis, you have the 20 actions that a nurse can do to patients: you know giving pills, injections, washing whatever. And they come in and it’s their name and the all red magnetic dots, like a red light, “don’t do that”. 

Nelis: You’re not qualified yet! 

Peter: And so I see, like, three, four young people standing there and really be, you know, they’re blocked if they ask a question already, people are like,” Well, I’m busy. So wait a minute”. This is not a very great atmosphere to start learning. I would say, I would probably, if you want to use that graph, I would put all green dots and say, “You have to go with a nurse, today you’re looking and watching what they’re doing and tomorrow, you’ll start doing it yourself. By the end of the week I would like you to be able to do different things that are on there”. With adults or young people I would not start using blue and red dots. 

Nelis: So it’s a sense of telling people what they can’t do rather than exploring what they can do. 

Peter: Yes. You’ve got to be positive, I think, from the start and open, and even ask them, “Hey, have you any experience in this?” and just start from there. I remember that this is a very strong one, in this story. I even told it to a colleague yesterday. As we were going with these high school students doing these visits, they had to do the eye test, where a child has to cover an eye and then say the “E”  is like this, like that, and just test the eyes. And so, they also had to do that with very young children of five, six year olds, who just started to go to school in a rural context in Burkina Faso, and the students didn’t speak the language, so there was a huge language barrier. So they had to try to explain to these kids how to do this test properly. That’s a very difficult thing. And I remember one student just trying and trying and after half an hour she came to me and said, “Dr. Peter it’s not going to work, this child doesn’t get it”. I said “That’s fine. It’s a very young child. She’s running around, I didn’t see her run into anything. I think she sees well, it’s just very important to check it. If it doesn’t work it’s okay”. But the student who was more courageous than I, behind my back, after talking to me, she just continued to try with this child. And another, I don’t know, 15 minutes or 20 minutes later I hear her shout, “She did it, she did it, she did it!”. So the student had really succeeded in having that child understand how to do this test. And I’m sure that stays with her for the rest of her life. It will help her to grow and to try and to… 

Kate: I think what’s really lovely about that story is that the focus is on the person not the task. The chart you were talking about was… when we try to systemarise things, we try to get organised in a way that I’m sure the hospital was trying to do with the very best of intentions, you lose sight of the people. And what’s most important is the people, their experience and how to train them… and you know, just thinking about “Well, let’s frame this more positively”. Often the systems we develop to track, to systematise, work against that people element, that focusing on the individual. And I think that’s a challenge for all of us in leadership to make sure that our systems… you know, however good the motivation, that we don’t lose sight of the people.

Peter: Yes, we have to play a big role in that as the leader. Yesterday, again, at the hospital ward a young nurse came to me and there was a task to be done. And she said, “Oh, I’ve never done that and I’m not allowed to do that” and she left the room. So afterwards, I went to her and said, “Hey what if you stayed with me and you look how I do it and I promise the next time I will let you do it but I will be responsible. I will look at how we do it and help you with that”. And she just brightened up so much and for the rest of the evening at the ER, she just was there all the time asking me questions. “Hey, can I do this? And “Is that okay?”. Just we have to create this openness so that people have space to move and to explore. 

Kate: and to grow.

Nelis: I think that’s such a huge principle, isn’t it? Focus on the person, focus on their growth and their potential and guide and support that. 

Peter: Even, I said it explicitly to the villagers back then. I said, if you do that, if you think you want to make sure that they adopted the idea and not because of you. So I said, if you build the latrines, that’s fine. If you don’t, I have my latrine at home. So it’s fine, you know. And you leave people you, 

Nelis: I think you’re touching on an interesting principle here, and it’s hard as a leader, because we’re so committed to getting results that you give people freedom to say, “It’s not gonna work, I don’t want to own this”. And that’s hard because for my personality, because I want to see results, but what you’re saying is you actually get more results if you’re willing to step back. 

Peter: Yeah and not own the thing, it’s not yours. The people said “Oh we want to put your name on the hospital or we want to do this”. I said, “Please don’t, it’s your hospital, it’s not my hospital, I live somewhere else and so we have to stress it every single time, and also for our own best because otherwise we would attach our hearts to something that is not our own. See, it was painful for me to see that the first project we worked at, that it’s gone. I visited it several times and it’s like our houses is in ruins, where we lived back then. And the rest,  yeah, it’s just, it’s still a dispensary but it’s not like it was before. Yeah, I then decided that I would never attach my heart to a project or I thing but I did attach my heart to the people I met during that time. Knowing that every single interaction with them somehow helped me and them to move forward in life and the results that came out of that, I might never know. But for myself, I know and for them, I hope that was beneficial. No that I can own as a…it’s for me that’s eternal and, and not the building or whatever structure we put up. 

Nelis: I love that. 

Kate: Yeah. I think that’s a really good note to end on actually, thank you Peter. It’s been fascinating, hearing your stories of conversational leadership in practice and kind of figuring it out as you went along, not knowing that there was a concept called conversational leadership, but just sensing what needed to happen in that context for the benefit of the people. And also, thank you for the reminder of making it all about the people, and their growth, not our goals. I think that’s really critical. 

Nelis: thank you, Peter.

Peter: Thank you too. 

Kate: As usual, the show notes and the transcript are going to be on the website. If you have any comments or thoughts in responses to what Peter’s shared, please do go along to leadinginconversation.net. Let us know what you think. Thank you for listening! 

Season 2, Episode 1

Leading in Conversation
Leading in Conversation
Leading in conversation Season 2, Episode 1
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Shownotes

Lipmanowicz H. and McCandless K. (2013) The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures. Liberating Structures Press.

Kaner, S. (2014) Facilitator’s guide to participatory decision-making. Jossey-Bass.

Transcript

Kate: Welcome to season 2 of Leading in Conversation. I’m excited to be back for a second season, but sadly I’ll be kicking off without Nelis, who is unable to join us today. However, I’m really glad to be joined by Josiah Watters. Hello Josiah!

Josiah: Hi Kate. Good to be with you.

Kate: Thank you. Josiah is from the US, but living in Thailand, and he works in people development and organisation development and also does consulting and coaching across Asia. Nelis and I both met Josiah through a leadership course where he’s on Faculty. One of the first things I noticed about Josiah is his stellar facilitation skills. He always asks really interesting questions to get people talking. So, I guess I want to kick off with that, Josiah. When did you first get interested in facilitation, and why? 

Josiah: I think the first part of that journey for me was actually watching my dad. So my dad is a linguist by training, but he is also a teacher. And I remember, as a kid, watching him in different contexts, the difference in the engagement in the room when he would get up to teach, compared to others. Oftentimes people seem to be tuning out when I would watch other people speaking. And then when my dad would get up, people would lean in. And I realised, looking back, a lot of that had to do with the fact that he asked questions. From his perspective, it was maybe more of a Socratic method that influenced him. But he would ask great questions and his method of teaching involved a lot of dialogue among those he was teaching, and between him and his pupils. So that shaped me early on, and in university, I got involved in an outdoor education program on the side of my studies. And that’s where I really first began to facilitate groups. So we would take groups of people ranging from students, young students, all the way up to professional corporate groups, that would come and have these outdoor experiences together. And then we would facilitate discussion and discovery and dialogue. And so that whole process of learning to facilitate those groups really shaped how I went from then on.

Kate: That’s really fascinating. So, something you picked up almost subconsciously, maybe, as a child watching your dad, but then had an opportunity to hone as you got older. So, conversational leadership… when we were chatting the other day, you mentioned how discovering dialogic organisation development was transformational for you. Can you tell us a bit about that? What was so impactful for you? 

Josiah: Yeah, it was, it was a bit of a slow unveiling is how I experienced it. I was working with an organisation in Asia. We were trying to see more engagement among all the members in shaping the future together. We were thinking about how to involve people in co-creating the future. We were using that kind of language. And I came across a book called Liberating Structures, it’s actually The Surprising Power of Liberating Structures and it talks about how often we think of changing organisations by changing the macro structures. But they said actually, what is even more important is to look at the micro structures, the way that interactions happen in organisational life every day. And if we see change happen there, in those micro structures, all kinds of things become possible. And so, I was really intrigued by this book. We began to implement a lot of the Liberating Structure practices in our organisational life, and saw a great impact from that. And then I was at a little bookstore in Calcutta, India, and I came across this book that was on the shelf, called Dialogic Organisation Development. And I just picked it out. I thought I’d look through it and I began to read through it on the plane. And I realised it was the underpinnings of everything behind the Liberating Structures, why they were having the kind of impact that they were. 

Kate: Was that the book by Bushe and Marshak, that came out in 2015? That book was really impactful for me too. When I found it, it was like, oh, this is what I’ve been looking for, this makes sense. I’d read a lot of Ralph Stacy’s work before and I found it a little bit lacking in the practical application for leaders. And then when I came across Dialogic OD, and particularly that book, it was like a light bulb turning on for me. 

Josiah: So we had already begun with processes and practices that reflect the mindset and values of dialogic OD, without knowing the term dialogical yet. But we were recognising that all transformation is linguistic, that change happens through language. Everything in the one sense that we consider as an organisation occurs to us or rises through the medium of language. And how we began to explore that and that actually shifting what was happening in organisational life together requires different kinds of processes than what we had previously experimented with or become accustomed to. 

Kate: Absolutely. I think the power of language, the power of narrative, how you talk about things, changing how you talk about things can then change everything else within an organisation, and like you say, going from the macro to the micro. We often think that, where traditionally change has been viewed as a sort of top-down approach, that’s going to be successful. The leaders decide what the change will be and it’s usually the big stuff. But actually, seventy five percent of change processes fail, partly because they don’t involve the people at the micro level. I’d love to hear more about this. How have you been using these processes in your organisation? Can you tell us some stories? Give us some examples? 

Josiah: Sure. You know, I think one of the first things we ran into was the sense that the more people were involved in helping create something, the more they had a sense of ownership and engagement. And at the same time there seemed to be real limits on how many people you could have meaningfully involved, at least with the traditional structures, the traditional micro structures, things like a presentation or a facilitated discussion. Facilitated in the sense that I’m managing the discussion as the facilitator. There’s real limits to what’s possible there. You might only be able to work with, you know, six or nine, maybe twelve people at the most. 

Kate, Yes, otherwise, meaningful conversation sort of breaks down and you get question and response and comment…

Josiah: Right, and so what we loved about the Liberating Structures practices were that they allowed any size of group to meaningfully participate. And so we begin to use those. One early example was, I was in charge of organising our regional conference for our organisation and those conferences have been pretty traditional like any other conference you might imagine and in the preparation for it, we started talking to lots of people who had been previously to that kind of conference and asking them what were the best parts for them. What was the most meaningful, what would make it worth it for them to attend again, and so just really listening. And over and over, we heard, you know, the best was the things that happened in the margins. So we said, what if we move those things out of the margin and put them front and centre. So that was one of our first experiences was redesigning this conference. Really, it became an unconference, some might call it.

Kate: Can you explain what an unconference is? 

Josiah: Well, I don’t know a formal definition but it’s a conference without a planned agenda, without plenary speakers, without specific experts coming in to deliver certain topics. What we did was we tried to get the kinds of people there that we wanted interacting with our personnel. But we had to come up with a different contract with them. So, we invited them but we said, we’re not inviting you to come and teach a session. We’re not inviting you to come and speak in a plenary talk. What we’d like is for you to come and just engage, be there, be available. Engage in conversation with the participants and… 

Kate: That’s really important, isn’t it? Framing, setting expectations. You used the word “contracting”, you mean setting expectations, framing their role, telling them how you want them to interact, especially if they’ve traditionally been used to downloading information on people, sharing presentations. It takes some deliberate thought and action, to help people shift into a different mode of interacting, particularly when you’re using something like Open Space Technology. I’ve observed, it can be quite destabilising for leaders who are used to a traditional role in such events. Where is their opportunity to speak, to share, to download the information? And sometimes participants feel a little bit shaky. Like where are all the presentations? What, you mean, we’ve got to come up with the content? How did people receive it? How did it go down? 

Josiah: Well I think you’re exactly right. We had some of the guests that we invited that declined because they weren’t interested in that expectation that we were setting. And then others that accepted but did struggle during the event to adapt to a different way of being useful. And then others that really thrived. And for the participants by and large there was a very positive response. There was so much energy unleashed in the room across those few days. And some people that also struggled with running out of energy, which was interesting because they said, can we just actually, one person came up to me and said, can we just have one session with a talking head? Because I’m getting exhausted, from all this engagement there! 

Kate: Especially the introverts, it’s huge for introverts. If you’re doing all the engaging, you come to an event, you’re used to just sitting and listening, it can actually be quite relaxing, just letting the words wash over you… but, no, this is a very different…

So we kind of need to set the expectations for participants as well, you’re coming and it all depends on you. You’re coming to engage, to share your wisdom, to set directions, etc.

Josiah: Yes, that’s right. And I’m an introvert actually  myself and I’m going to actually encourage and try to model managing your own energy during the event and so there were some sessions where I just needed to go have a rest and have some quiet because then I had something more to contribute in the next session. 

Kate: I’ve had to do that, as well as you know, I’ve got Long Covid and sometimes I just have to say to myself, “Right, Kate, take a step back. You can’t actively participate in this session. You just need to rest while still being present and listening.” That’s quite hard for me as an extrovert. So, that was your first event, this conference, and did that go down well enough that you have repeated this? 

Josiah: We have, we’ve repeated it with some modifications over the years, so we’ve done more of a blend in recent years, between some kind of traditional, plenary types of sessions  but then with Liberated Structure processes for everyone to engage around the content and around the topics and then we still had places that were opened up for anyone to continue conversations. 

Kate: Yeah, that’s really interesting. So I literally just heard today of an event in our organization where they were using open space technology and they’ve actually just decided at the request of the participants to put a few presentations back in. I think it’s getting that balance between sharing information because the information you share frames and sets up the conversations, gives some input. So getting the balance is really important isn’t it.

Josiah: That’s right.

Kate: What have you learned in the process, what has worked, what hasn’t worked?

Josiah: We have experimented widely and one of my strengths is like discovering, learning, exploring, and so I was really gifted to partner  with some other leaders who were great at taking things from idea to action. I love the world of ideas and on my own I could probably stay there at times but I was working with some partners who were very action-oriented. So anytime I would come across a new idea, they would say, “How about we start it… today?” And I would feel the need to get more proficient, to learn more before we tried to put it into practice, but we would usually jump right in and start learning as we went. So we have learned a lot along the way experimenting with different processes but I think a foundational piece for all of these is listening. We started doing some coaching training, received some coaching training, began to be involved in individual coaching, one-on-one coaching. And the power of just practicing intentional listening as a gift to another stuck with us and we saw that over and over being the foundation for all these other kinds of group processes that we wanted to engage in together. 

Kate: Definitely, because if you’re not listening to what someone else is saying, and I think we see this happen a lot in those kinds of conference contexts, you’re actually sitting there preparing the thing you want to say. And I think, often in the old style conferences you used to have people speak from the floor at the mic and everyone would be lined up with their thing to say. It wasn’t really a conversation, it didn’t necessarily build, because people were coming with their different things. And what I love about a conversational approach is what happens when people do listen and build on each other and you get this whole different thing growing rather than everyone just coming up with their own idea. 

Josiah: Yeah. I think for me and my role as a leader in our organisation at the time a real challenge was that I wanted to model being a learner. I wanted to open up the space for the unexpected to emerge. I knew that the things that mattered most to us couldn’t be directed and planned in a linear way. And yet I was functioning in this role that often, I felt like I needed to live up to a sense of expertise or a sense of knowing the answers. 

Kate: I can so relate to that. Could you say a little bit more about the things needing to emerge rather than being planned? 

Josiah: Well, I think the difference for me is someone that’s trying to create a learning environment where they have a destination that they want the learners to arrive at, that presumes, you know the right destination and you know the path to get there. And that works for some kinds of situations and some kinds of challenges. But the things we were engaged in there wasn’t a proven, right answer or a proven path of how to get there. And so as a leader in that space the temptation to knowing the answer is a leader is still there. And culturally there’s a lot of bias towards that, like I felt pressured to have the answer but I knew that none of, no one of us have the answer. Somehow together we needed to discover it and that wasn’t going to happen if I was playing this role of the person with the answer or a person with a plan. And yet it was very destabilizing at times for people, for me in the leader role not to acknowledget having the plan, not having the answer. So we had to learn how to kind of create a sense of safety, or enough safety within the group to explore together. And that was a journey and it was, I think I’m still learning how to do that. And one of the challenges I think is that you can’t teach someone who already knows. So this idea of leaders being lifelong learners sometimes feels like a dichotomy because the more you lead, the more experience you have to draw from. It can be easy to stop learning because you think you already know and the feeling of not knowing, the feeling of learning can actually be really disorienting and uncomfortable. I’d much rather know the answer than not know the answer. 

Kate: How have you found this in the Asian context where I think it’s particularly harder for leaders to embrace this kind of leading as learners, as co-participants when culturally they’re expected to know everything and be that sort of more hierarchical leader.

Josiah: One thing I’ve seen is leaders that are able to have that top voice, to frame a direction of travel without saying this is the exact path to get there, that we’re going to need to discover it together. And so they’ve been able to have that voice and that influence from the top and then allow a process to emerge within the group they’re leading, as they figure out how to move forward towards that goal. That’s one way I’ve seen and then another would be a bit more subversive or indirect. For example, I got hired as a coach for an organization that was working in the eastern part of India developing different factories and it was growing pretty rapidly. And they were trying to train a whole layer of middle management to keep up with their growth. And so they wanted me to be a coach. Now, in my mind coach has a certain framework around it, it is very facilitative. For these clients that I was working with, they saw me as the guru. So rather than fighting that role I embraced it, I owned it, but then I engaged them in a facilitative way. So, for example, I would say “You’re so fortunate, you found me. I’m going to teach you everything you need to know. You’re going to be such a better leader after working with me”.

Kate: That must have felt uncomfortable for you?

Josiah: Maybe not quite that extreme but along those lines, you know, that’s what they were looking for, that reassurance. And then I would say, “But for me to help you I really  have to understand more about what you are working with, what you are experiencing and then I would just start asking all these questions. And things would start to be unearthed and I would ask them what they saw the possibilities to be, what their sense of the right move forward. And so over time, then they were able to see, well, actually we did this ourselves, but it didn’t start that way. I couldn’t convince them just by describing it. They had to experience it. 

Kate: Yes. Absolutely. And that leads me on to the element that’s really important, I think, in conversational leadership Is creating a sense of safety, psychological safety for people, holding their anxiety. I think Stacey talks about holding anxiety for people. Can you tell me a little bit about how you’ve done that? You gave one great example there. 

Josiah: Yeah. So for me, I think it starts with being more aware of my own anxiety, and acknowledging that and being able to hold that. Because it’s easy, I think, for me to come into a group that I’m working with and bring some of that anxiety myself. And so I need to be aware of my own and then I can be able to start to hold that for others. And I love the framework in the Dialogic OD book that talks about moving from… they talk about a container. And so the idea that a container is useful because of what it contains. So my coffee cup, it’s not so much about the cup, it’s about what it contains inside that gives it value. So the container could be temporary, it could be a discussion group, it could be a working team. But the process they describe is instability of the container, where it’s just starting to take shape, and then instability in the container, as a group that’s starting to work out how they relate to each other. And then you can start to get to real movement, interaction, after you get to stability within the container. And so, for my role, as a facilitator of a conversation or a group, I start off as as, in many ways, as the container for the group. I’m containing the anxieties, I’m aware of them. And people are looking to me to help manage the anxieties that they’re bringing. But as the group begins to form together, my role starts to move to the periphery. And so, instead of being front and centre, I’m starting to move to the edge more, as the group begins to do its work.

Kate: What do you do practically to hold anxiety in session? You gave the example from when you were working in India. You sort of framed your role and kind of met them halfway with their expectations of you. What else might you do to make people feel safe. They are coming to something quite new, maybe they’re discussing a topic which is destabilising for them. What will you actually do in the room?

Josiah: Well, some of it can be very simple in conversation. So at the beginning of a gathering, we might have people get into pairs for conversation and just briefly discuss what might keep you from being fully present today, fully present in this next session. What is it that matters to you most about this topic or about what we’re going to discuss and what might get in the way of you fully showing up? Just pausing to acknowledge that, to recognize, we’ll even do some brief things like a body scan, depending on the type of group. Just to notice, you know, what are you feeling, what are you bringing in with you? You know, tension in your shoulders, is your chest tight? You’re kind of holding your breath, not getting full, deep breaths? Some groups are more or less comfortable with that but I think it still can be useful to practice. But then for myself, being able to pay attention to what I’m sensing, internally, has been a learning process for me because oftentimes that gives me clues about what’s going on in the room. And then I can verbalize that, not project it on the people but I can say “I noticed this happening inside of me. I don’t know what that’s about. Does anybody have any thoughts about that? Or any comment, or…?” You know, I open it up, open up my own internal experience to the group and oftentimes then that will surface from the group, something that’s happening. And if the anxiety is pushed down and not acknowledged and we just try to move forward, it still leaks out. 

Kate: Yes, it reminds me of, we’ve been in this book group, talking about this book Organization Development by Mee-Yan Cheung Judge, who I know has been one of your mentors and teachers. And she talks about the ‘use of self’. And I think that’s what you’re touching on, and something I’m really interested in. And in that kind of setting, that’s a huge amount of vulnerability and transparency, that people may not be comfortable with. Do you not introduce more anxiety when you ask people to be that vulnerable, to talk about feelings? I’m particularly thinking about, working with Western men, who might not be so comfortable talking about their emotions. 

Josiah: Yeah. So you have to really try to understand your group, where they’re at, who you’re working with. And there’s a variety of things I’ve done to help make it a smoother on ramp for people. One would be if they’re people you have a particular concern for prior to a session to be able to have have some conversational engagement with them, to sense what might be helpful for them to fully show up and engage. It is going to be risky. And one of the ways that we deal with that is to move slowly, I think of it, kind of like a spiral or a funnel, like you cam slowly progress. So there was a famous study done. These people that said if you get strangers together and you get them to answer these, I think it was 35 questions, together over 45 minutes, they had a high likelihood of falling in love with each other. 

Kate: Wow, okay. 

Josiah: You know, the psychology study that was done. The concept behind it was, deepening mutual reciprocal self- disclosure. So that you’re slowly sharing a bit more about yourself and then hearing a bit more about the other person. So we do that in threes and you get people sitting close together, knees touching, really close proximity. And then you have several rounds of questions. It doesn’t have to be 35 and we’re not trying to get them to fall in love, but we’re getting them past the point of anxiety and to really starting to see each other as humans, so, there is a human to human connection instead of seeing each other as a role or as a persona.

Kate: That’s really special actually. That human connection at a deep level is something that we all naturally crave, we need, we’re made to need it, and yet our society, education, our cultures have sort of put barriers between us. But actually if you’re going to get anywhere in a conversation, in work, if you’re going to bring about change, then you need to, you need to get rid of those barriers. There’s walls that we put up between ourselves and put yourself in a vulnerable place. But I know that’s really hard for people. How has this all gone down in your organization?

Josiah: One thing that has helped us for us to model it. If I model it, if I do that hard work, and if I’m doing that learning and growing, then what I bring is a different presence to the room and that’s where the facilitator is as container can start to happen, where you’re creating a sense of safety just by your presence in the room, in your ‘use of self’ like Mee-Yan would say. But then also working with others that I had already gone deep with, we were able to model together a different kind of interaction and a different kind of conversation that would be different than what people had experienced before, especially like you said in certain cultural groups, that maybe don’t share that much, about their inner world. And so for us, we recognize that, some authors said, most people in an organization are doing a second job, no one is paying them for and that’s covering up their weaknesses. If you really pay attention , so much energy  under the surface goes into managing or as they would say, covering up our weaknesses and when you are able in a group, in a team or an organization, to increase the safety it frees up some of that energy for other things, for creativity and productivity. It’s amazing what can happen.

Kate: Before the pandemic we used to have a lot more in-person meetings. A product of the pandemic is we do a lot more stuff online. Has that been the same for you? And if so, how do you go about creating that container in an online space?

Josiah: I think it takes more time online. It can take more time has been our experience, but having opportunities for people to connect personally and to begin to share from their world and finding small way to bring each other into your world. And there’s lots of creative, simple ways out there to do that. But one of the things we’ve seen is that it does take extra time in the meeting space or in the conversation to make that happen and sometimes we do that in the context of the large medium, sometimes we do it sequentially where there might be a series of smaller interactions that lead into a bigger conversation. 

Kate: You almost have to create that margin time you were referring to earlier, like, when you meet in person you have the coffee breaks, you have the meal times, you have the evenings, you have the “Oh, I just bumped into you in the corridor and we were chatting for 10 minutes” kind of things, which you don’t have in online meetings, you sort of show up, you’re there and then you leave. I think we need to explore much more creating those margin opportunities and making them manageable for people, because often the last thing you want to do if you’ve been in several  hours of online meeting is hang around and eat lunch with someone online as well.

Josiah: Yeah, and we found that people often need some support to know how to engage. Almost that good conversation can feel like a lost art at times. So just the fact that you arranged for three people to get together and have a small group conversation, they might not be sure what to talk about or they might just play out common scripts in a conversation without really sharing at a personal level or a meaningful level and so we try to give a bit of prompting for people to choose. They can still choose what they want to talk about, but it takes it another level deeper. But I’ve also found it’s important to verbalize and externalize what we’re experiencing online. Because body language is not as visible and so on. 

Kate: If I’ve got my arms crossed and tense when you can only see my head and shoulders. 

Josiah: Yeah. So it’s just stopping to ask people, to check in and say, “I’m curious after I said that what was going on for you Kate, you know, what were you experiencing?”. And just simple check-ins like that. And also for me to model doing that. I’ve had to learn to do that anyway because I tend to be not very expressive externally. And often people struggle to know what I’m thinking or what I’m feeling. So I have to work extra hard to let them know. So actually I was already practising that when we had to move online, but I found that it’s helpful for others to do that as well.

Kate: There’s a whole lot more intentionality and verbalizing things, and showing up in a different way, I think, is what I’m hearing you say, whether in person or online. 

Josiah: That’s right. And it opens up a lot of possibilities at the same time. I mean, it has constraints for sure, but it has also allowed us to do a lot of things we wouldn’t have been able to do before. And working asynchronously. We do a lot through exchanging voice conversations that aren’t happening live in real time and actually find it really interesting to listen to a ten minute recording of a co-worker talking compared to listening to them talking for 10 minutes. In a meeting I might – if there’s five of us sitting around – I might start to get impatient or feel like we’re not equally sharing the space, I’m thinking about what I’m going to say. But if I know I’m just listening and I’ve got 10 minutes to hear them and I’m trying to really remember what I’m listening to so that I can respond in an hour or two – I’ll often do this on walks and will just listen to the recordings on the walk. I find myself really engaging in a deeper kind of listening. 

Kate: Oh, I really like that. That’s not a tool that I’ve used – I mean, obviously we send Whatsapp messages to each other but actually asking people to record themselves, say on WhatsApp or Signal, share that with the rest of the group. And then you each, you take the time to listen, That’s s quite a lot of listening time. If you’ve got a, like, our leadership team of seven people, if we all chat, right, 10 minutes. That’s quite a lot of listening. But still, it’s something when you’re in a different time zones, especially, you can do it asynchronously and then come to the meeting and you’ve already heard what other people bringing and then you start at a different place in the process.

Josiah: Exactly, that synchronous time is so precious especially for global calls where we’re going from the West coast of the US to Asia, you know, we’ve got about an hour an a half window. And so if we’re using that for each person to start off with their update or where they’re coming from, we don’t really get to much of the conversation and the follow-up questions and dialogue, that could happen. 

Kate: And you know what I also love? Those of you in Asia, at least in our organisation, often end up being in meetings late at night… and it gives you a chance to record your thoughts at a time of day when you are awake!

Kate: I think one final question for you – although I talk for a lot longer on this topic – but the big question for us is always, how do you move from conversation to action? It’s not just talk is it? And that’s sometimes the accusation we get, “Well, conversational leadership is just talk. How’s that different?” How do you make that leap to actually making a decision, doing something? 

Josiah: This is really an interesting one because I would say there’s an assumption in the question itself, that those are two different things or that they are separate and in our experience, oftentimes, they’re really not that separate. You know, would people be willing to consider that talk is action. And for us, we work with a lot of leaders who are fairly activist in their leaning, you know, they want to produce something, they want to see something happen, and at the same time, there’s a lot of energy that gets expended and then we have to start over again. And so the process of action and conversation being held together, I think, is really important for us. That we are starting to move forward based on the conversations we’ve had but we are paying attention as we go. We’re continuing to listen to each other and we’re expecting that there’s going to be a lot of adjustments and course corrections and things we didn’t anticipate that we need to learn from it, and be ready to adapt to. So it’s really both together in our experience that are important. The other thing I would say is so much of our focus has been moving to action. And when we move too quickly to action, we found it takes so much more effort to sustain that action. Whereas sometimes if we stay longer in the conversation, or some of our leaders are getting impatient, what happens is, coming out of that, the people involved move so much faster, and are so much more self-organised that they execute much more quickly. And it’s interesting, I remember reading a case study from the company WL Gore that makes goretex and other products. They talked about how they take way longer than other companies to explore possibilities. But then once they move to action, they outperform other companies by far, like their speed keeps their advantage. But their speed actually comes from slowing down long enough to explore together, to surface things that would have been missed otherwise, and for the energy of everyone in the room to be fully unleashed.

Kate: That’s really significant and it takes, again, a very conscious, deliberate patience to slow yourself down, to resist that temptation to jump too quickly to a decision. Sam Kaner talks about the groan zone, staying in the groan zone. You’re probably familiar with that and I think we’ve mentioned that on the podcast before. Don’t jump to the convergence, the decision-making, too fast because you might miss the thing you really need. 

Josiah: Yeah, that’s right. I like that, the groan zone. Somebody else calls it the zone of productive disequilibrium. 

Kate: That’s a mouthful, I’ll stick with the groan zone!

Josiah: But that’s really key, being able to stay there. And so for us, it’s the idea that you come up with a good enough plan and then you can just act it out, that hasn’t held true and so we have to keep the conversation open because we expect to be learning as we go and so we move from plans to planning as an ongoing reality.

Kate: Because things will emerge and then you need to respond and then you’ll move further and further away from the original plan. But it might actually be better, it might be where you really needed to go. I think the era of strategic plans that are in cement, or on the shelf, you know, that’s long gone, isn’t it? I think emergent  planning is where we really need to be because things move so fast and we need to be responsive.

Josiah: That’s right. That’s been our experience.

Kate: Well, as I said, Josiah, I could talk for a lot longer, but I think we’ll wrap this up for today. Thank you so much for giving me your time today. Really enjoyed talking to you.

Josiah: It’s been fun to be with you, thanks Kate.

Kate: And thanks too to our listeners for joining us as we start our second season. As always please leave us your thoughts and comments at leadinginconversation.net. That’s all for now. See you soon! 

Episode 9

Leading in Conversation
Leading in Conversation
Episode 9
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Transcript

Kate: This is our ninth episode. Can you believe it, Nelis?

Nelis: No,  it’s come fast, hasn’t it, and it’s also one that closes this season.

Kate: Yes, you just stole the words out of my mouth. I was just going to say this is the concluding episode of Season 1. And just to let you know upfront, Nelis is going on sabbatical for 3 months, so we will be back in April hopefully. But first we wanted to do a little bit of a review of the journey of Season 1 and what we’ve learned, what we are learning on this journey into conversational leadership.

Nelis: Yes, it’s exciting to look back, isn’t it? Because when I look at the comments we’ve received from people as we talk, not so much on the website, but as we converse with people, as we hear some of the emails we’ve got, and it’s actually very exciting to see it’s had an impact. It’s being used, it’s shaping the thinking of at least some people. And that’s exciting to see. That’s the reason we did this, 

Kate: And people are pushing back as well. People are asking good questions. People are challenging us, holding us accountable, which is great. Part of why we started this really is to create a conversation in our organisation but also wider. I know you’ve had some friends that have listened to it who aren’t colleagues of ours, as have I, and that’s fun to see, it’s spreading more widely.

Nelis: Yeah, we got this email a month ago or so ago from somebody in the US, who said “ I shared it with my boss, and we’re talking about it as a leadership team and we’re thinking about how to apply this in our context. And that’s the kind of stuff that really floats my boat.

Kate: Love it! And we’ve had some great guests all the way, haven’t we? That’s been fun.

Nelis: Yes, and it’s exciting to see how different people then think about it with us. I’ve really appreciated those podcasts where we were together with guests. The first one we did was after our first experimentation with this, the big event. 

Kate: Yes, we had three colleagues join us.

Nelis: It was fun to see there, too, what you just mentioned, the combination of feedback and real excitement, thinking about especially how context shapes the conversation.

Kate: Yes, and then we had Reinhold join us. Who was a key speaker at that event and part of our experiment, and it was great to hear some of his experience and perspective and understanding of conversational leadership from working in quite a different organisation.

Nelis: Yes. I appreciated his bringing in that sense of how do you bring in the people who are disadvantaged, who don’t dare to speak up normally, who are from minority contact cultures. That was really really helpful to talk about, and I think it’s something that needs to continue to be part of the conversation, because so often the conversation is with the people who already are speaking up anyway.

Kate: The people who already have power, who already have voice. Conversational leadership is a great way to include others. At the heart of it you need everyone. You need the wisdom of everyone. You need that diversity. And so I think it can definitely be leveraged to increase inclusion and diversity in your organisation.

Nelis: But it requires thoughtful involvement of these people and and to me that that was a really powerful conversation to have to think about. Because often I think a lot of leaders try to be conversational, to some extent at least, but then do it with the usual suspects.

Kate: And it was great to talk to Meera and Albert, who, I think, really changed my perspective on what conversational leadership might look like in other cultures. Obviously, they were coming from Asia, two different contexts in Asia, and I had thought on the basis of previous conversations with some colleagues from Asia that maybe conversational leadership wouldn’t work in a hierarchical setting, but actually they explained how it works differently there.

Nelis: Fascinating isn’t it how that hierarchy maintains, but it changes the role of a leader. And in some ways I think that’s actually just as true in a Western context, it plays out differently, but it does not undermine leadership in any way. It actually changes the shape of it, and it becomes more – dare I say – effective. Not effective only, but also affective.

Kate: But also the locus of the conversations changes. I thought that was really interesting, that the conversations were more likely to happen outside of the formal meeting context, outside the boardroom, probably over a meal, but they still happen. And they are just as important. But you wouldn’t probably be having this all together, in a free for all in the meeting room.

Nelis: Yes, that’s fascinating. And I think that even in a Western context there’s something to learn from that, because how often is it said, even in a Western context, that the real stuff happens during coffee breaks. So even there, can you embrace that and do conversational leadership outside the official?

Kate: Yes. We also had Jason and what I loved about that conversation with Jason is that the focus of his Phd and his particular interest is how we can use conversational leadership to improve our decision making. Because, as we said in that episode, one of the critiques of conversational leadership is often that it’s just talk, it doesn’t actually lead to anything. And I think that’s conversational leadership not done well, when you leave it open ended. But I love that he’s wanting to focus on how it can improve the decisions we make through including more people.

Nelis: Yes, and that is an area that needs more research. And I think all of us can benefit from that. And I think we’ll come back to that later in our conversation today, as to how does it influence decision making? One other thing we talked about, I think, in several of the episodes, is the importance of paying attention and listening well, that we, as leaders are careful not to speak up too quickly, to resist the temptation to tie it up all neatly with a bow, and to say, okay, here it is. But to sit with the uncomfortable situation of unresolved issues.

Kate: Yes. I still find that very hard. But it’s worthwhile. It’s really worthwhile. If you can tolerate that ambiguity, that lack of decision, that lack of certainty, and just let people talk things out. I think you come to things in a whole new way.

Nelis: And that’s the tension, isn’t it? You need to come to decisions. You can’t just sit with it forever. But to sit with it longer than we’re used to  is, I think, a really really helpful discipline. But then also to know when to say, okay, this is it this the decision, we’re moving forward with that

Kate: I think it’s particularly hard. I’ve just been reflecting on this recently how you do conversational leadership in a remote working setting when you’ve got an hour or 90 min for a meeting and you know every 5 min of your meeting is earmarked for something. And that really squashes the conversation, kills the sort of creativity and generative potential of a meeting. And I’m still not quite sure what to do about that, and how to manage that, because an hour goes very quickly when that’s all you’ve got, and then you all leave and go on to another meeting or something else. You don’t have the milling around in the corridor afterwards, and things like that. It puts a lot of pressure on that time, that one hour.

Nelis: Yes, we’ve experienced this a little bit. I think there is a there is a need to

distinguish that somewhat from the quick decision making things you need to do, when you earmark your time well, you’ve got a set agenda, you go through that. That is never going to be pure conversational leadership. There’s just no way you can’t do that well. But then to also have some meetings – and we’ve done that as a leadership team – where you actually give yourself an hour to explore and to be generative. And, I’ve actually loved that our board has tried to do some of that as well. And so to do that, I think, is very possible, but you need to make a conscious decision to set some time aside to do that, where you keep it open ended, and you don’t build it full, and you don’t expect to necessarily have the results in that very session.

Kate: Yeah. And maybe expanding expectations. Say, “We’re going to take two hours, not our normal sixty minutes”. And explain to people upfront, “This is what we’re going to do. We’re going to explore together”. So that expectations are framed helpfully for that time. 

Nelis: Yeah, I think we need to come back to that idea of expectations later in our conversation, because some of my experiences looking back over the year have revealed that that is a really important aspect, setting expectations beforehand.

Kate: Another thing I think I wanted to mention reflecting on what we’ve learned is that the real distinctive of conversational leadership is this making meaning together part. The co-creation.

Nelis: Yes. And I think that touches on what we just discussed about purpose. So there are times when that is absolutely key, where you are in this situation that there is no obvious solution, and you need to work together to really make sense of the situation, and then explore where that’s leading you. It’s going into the unknown and explore that from every angle, and that’s where a co-creative process really works well. And that’s where conversational leadership, I think, is exceptionally helpful.

Kate: Okay, Well, let’s move on. Our second question for ourselves today was, what has it been like practically to figure out how to do conversational leadership in the midst of a busy working life, where we don’t have the luxury of being external consultants who can plan a nice, neat intervention that has a beginning, middle, and end. We’re living in the middle of multiple conversations, all going on at the same time, sort of dancing from one to the other and putting one on hold until the next time we meet. How’s that been, Nelis?

Nelis: That’s interesting. Just before I try to answer that, together with you, part of the challenge I think we’re constantly feeling is, how do you combine it with other things, other approaches? Because it’s not like conversational leadership is the only way to do leadership suddenly. And so it’s this constantly going back in and out of different tools and different approaches, and using it as a both/and.

Kate King: You are answering the question, by the way! And I think that’s the answer. I don’t think we can do conversational leadership all the time. There are times when we need to make quick decisions without consultation. So if you commit to using conversation leadership does that mean you have to use it for everything, or not? I think not. But we’ve also said in the past that conversational leadership is a way of seeing organisations differently, as the many conversations that happen.

Nelis: I think you’re bringing up a really neat point. So I think you’re right. I mean, it depends on your definition of conversational leadership. In some ways it influences everything we do. And it has started more and more to influence everything I do. I look at everything that happens in the organisation somewhat from that angle and say, what’s happening here? How are people talking to each other? How can I be part of that? At the same time, when you look at it as a tool – which it is also – then sometimes it’s more appropriate than other times. So yes, when we talked about this earlier, we talked about it, really depends on the definition, and I think that’s becoming more and more clear to me that that’s helpful to think about. 

Nelis: So you made an interesting comment just a second ago about external consultants, and I think that is part of the distinctive of our approach is that we’re trying to do it as leaders and not as outsiders. And that to me is something that we need to constantly keep in mind -it’s very different from outside interventions -and help people think about what that means in their daily lives. And that’s what these conversations are about. And that’s exciting.

Kate: So one example of one of my working relationships with one of my team leaders: we did an annual review recently, and I realised that our meetings have become a really highly productive space where we co-create solutions together. It’s really interesting. We’ll often each bring a problem that we didn’t know how to solve on our own, and by the end of the meeting we’ve come up with a great solution. I know that’s not revolutionary or anything but it just keeps happening, and it’s really interesting, I think, to see how we have the conditions present for quality conversation: where we feel free with each other to just bat around ideas. There’s a lot of trust. Nothing’s too stupid to suggest. That’s been really exciting to see that happen actually.

Nelis: Which is interesting because it’s in a hierarchical kind of situation. You are her boss but that falls away obviously, and I think that’s part of your conversational leadership approach. You work as peers in many ways.

Kate King: Very much so. I don’t really see myself as people’s boss. I forget that quite often. We’re peers, we’re working together on this.

Nelis: I think that is really neat, because I think that is part of conversational leadership. You are the leader, but in the end most of the time you’re working together.

Kate King: And it doesn’t really make a difference. I don’t really have a monopoly on wisdom or answers, or anything. I might have access to information that she doesn’t have that helps us to come to a conclusion, because as a leader, my access to information is wider than hers or I have a bigger picture perspective because I’m invited into other spaces. But she also has greater experience at other levels of the organisation, which is often what we need to make decisions.

Nelis: Yeah. I think that is part of conversational leadership just made very concrete in a one-on-one situation. 

Kate: So do you have any examples from your working life, Nelis?

Nelis:  Yeah, quite a few actually. There have been several very sticky situations over the course of the year where I had to deal with complex conflictual issues. I wanted to do that conversationally. And I think that ended up being very, very helpful, because it allowed the people involved to be part of the process of coming to resolution. At the same time there are limitations to that, in the sense that I had certain things that were non-negotiable, certain things that weren’t on the table. And what I’m learning in all of this is how important expectations are in that. So, in some cases I communicated that more clearly than in others. What was the non-negotiable, and where the open space was, and how we could explore that together. And I think that is key. I saw the power of the conversation, otherwise I think the situations would have ended up much worse. We were able to come to reasonable solutions. But I think there was also some frustration with the fact that you come with those non-negotiables, and you are not necessarily clear about it. And that is something that I’m learning is, okay here, here are the non-negotiables, and this is why. And here is the space we need to explore together and then really frame well. And I think part of conversational leadership, I’m learning is how to do that framing appropriately, and how to combine the responsibility with the open-endedness. It’s powerful to see that. But it’s also an art that you need to learn, that I certainly very much need to learn.

Kate: We are still learning. It’s hard. I’ve found myself, you know, kicking, picking myself after a situation, going “Oh, that should have been, I should have done that differently. I should have done that conversationally”. You know it’s not yet ingrained. I think, for the big events, the things we plan. We’re getting there now. But it’s the less planned, more organic moments, yes, just constantly being aware. And I think, like you say, framing is really helpful, but it does take figuring out for yourself first the frame, what is this space that we can be conversational in? And where are the boundaries? What are the non-negotiables?

Nelis: And an interesting question there is, to what extent is that frame negotiable? Because I am making those decisions by myself, non conversationally, about the frame, and that’s a tension.

Kate: Yes, so you probably need to do that framing in conversation with others. And we’ve both had times we failed to do this right, haven’t we? Let’s just get that out. We all need to be wearing L plates, learner plates.

Nelis: I love that image. Visualise that and actually say that, because that combines actually with something that I’ve become aware of over the course of the year, because of this podcast, because of what we’re sharing in the organisation, people have certain expectations of us now. Which becomes both a gift and a burden.

Kate King: Yes! That’s what happens if you put yourself out there on a podcast, people actually hold you to the standard, and that’s good. That’s good. It helps us to sharpen our leadership. But it’s also quite a pressure as well.

Nelis: Because we’re going to disappoint people.

Kate King: Yes, because we’re human.

Nelis: We’re human, and we’re still learning. As you said, those big L plates. And at the same time, people see you and me as the experts on the topic. It’s hard to be both the big L and the expert. 

Kate: We’re not experts, we’re just learning. We’ve said that all along. We want this to be a conversation where we learn, together with others. Disclaimer everyone: We’re still learning, and we will mess up. Thank you.

Kate: So are there any situations where you haven’t been able to use conversational leadership?

Nelis: In some ways, no. Because, as you said earlier, it’s a way of looking at the organisation, and I think it’s influenced all of my interactions. But as a tool – you talked about those meetings where you’ve got an agenda you’ve got to go through – no, can’t use that. With my regular meetings, with those who report to me, a lot of it is not necessarily conversational, even though there’s aspects to where I switch into that conversation. But then quickly you step out of it as well, and you just need to get things done. So yeah, that’s part of it.

Kate: Is conversational leadership mostly in use when we want to co-create something together, to do that shared meaning-making? 

Nelis: No, not just. But I think that’s where it shines most. Why, it’s the most natural to use. And yes, that’s where I’ve used it. But then there’s also places where you’re just training people or you’re sharing information, and that isn’t necessarily conversational. I’ve done training events that weren’t necessarily conversational. Had some conversational aspects, but mostly not.

Nelis: I just did a three day mentoring event with six people. And the first two days were not that conversational. We had some conversational elements. Of course we used conversation as a tool, but it was not conversational leadership as such, and interestingly enough, on the third day we went into that and started having a little bit of an open space conversation. We went into appreciative inquiry, and then got into some shared meaning-making about what’s happening in our organisation. And that was very much conversational. It’s kind of neat to see how you sometimes need just a lot of time to set the stage. You need to build trust. It’s not necessarily conversational leadership, but it sets the stage for it. So are there situations you can’t use it? I think you can always use it, but sometimes it takes more time, or it’s not the moment yet.

Kate: Yes. And I think we discussed in a previous episode, in a crisis situation, life or death decisions that need to be made, you have to act quicker. You can’t have a lengthy drawn out conversational process, but you can bear in mind some of the elements we’ve talked about in conversational leadership is having the right people in the room having a diversity of people.

making sure that you’re including the wisdom of all, not just a few top leaders. I think you can do that quicker.

Nelis: Yeah, sometimes. As I said before, you’ve got those non-negotiables, and it just wouldn’t make sense to move into conversational leadership, because in some ways that would be cheating people because it’s already been decided. And you’ve got to accept that and just pass it on and say, this is a decision. You may like it, or you may not like it. This is what it is, because then, to invite people into a process in something that’s already been decided really, is wrong. Actually, we’ve got a conversational process organisation wide right now, and it’s interesting, some people think that actually that’s the case, the decision has already been made. So you’ve got to be very clear that if you have made a decision, you’re not going to do this, because that would be unreal.

Kate: Even though we’ve stated it. We’ve said the Board has not made a decision yet. They’ve expressed a preference. People still come –  and I think that’s a trust issue – thinking, “Well, this is just rubber stamping, this conversational process is just rubber stamping a decision they’ve already made”. And actually it’s not. And I don’t know how you can convince people, really.

Nelis: I don’t think you necessarily can, because it’s part of the culture where leadership is often distrusted in our society. Just look around us.

Kate: Well, with good reason, sometimes, when you look around us in our society.

Nelis: And leaders often don’t exactly really invite you in. They act as if, and in reality they don’t. So you’ve got to gradually build up that trust, that in this case it’s different. I think that’s what we’re still doing. Building up that trust in this first year of talking about it, sharing about it, practising it.

Kate King: So we are going to take a break. And looking forward to our next season, hopefully starting in April, what do we still want to explore around conversational leadership? What are the questions we still have? Any thoughts from you?

Nelis van den Berg: I think we are going to continue to discover those as we go, like we have this year. But one that’s interesting to me because of my experience this last year is, how do you use conversational leadership in conflict situations? What can we learn from that?

Kate King: One I have is conversation killers. What are they? And how can we avoid them? What are the things that we do, even in the middle of the process, or a meeting, that will just suddenly shut down conversation. I’d like to look at those sometime.

Nelis van den Berg: Yeah, that’d be great. Also would like to explore what conversation leadership looks like in other contexts, say hospitals, church. Think of a variety of contexts.

Nelis van den Berg: I think it’d be great to continue to have a significant number of guests in our conversation and widen our horizons as a result.

Kate King: Yes, definitely. And we’d love to  hear from you, our listeners. What are your questions? Please do send them to us at info@leadinginconversation.net. Just a practical note. We’ve had to close off comments for now, because we suddenly started getting a huge amount of spam comments. We’re hoping to sort that out and get the comments opened up again for Season 2.

Nelis van den Berg: Even with those comments closed, I’m looking forward to continuing the conversation. When we meet people, but also through email, and hopefully again through comments soon.

Kate: Thanks. It’s been fun, hasn’t it?

Nelis: It has, and I hope it will continue to be.

Kate: Have a good sabbatical. And hopefully we’ll see you all again and talk to you all again soon. 

Episode 8

Leading in Conversation
Leading in Conversation
Episode 8
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Transcript

Kate: I’m really excited that we have some guests with us today to talk about conversational leadership from other cultural perspectives. Nelis, why don’t you introduce our guests? 

Nelis: Yes, I’m excited too. These are people – Albert and Meera – that I met on a training course for leaders. I’m excited to hear their perspectives. As you said, Kate, from a cultural perspective, it’s so easy to get sucked into the assumptions that things work the way they work in the West and we’re just a small minority in the world. So we really want to hear what it looks like from an Asian perspective. So, why don’t you first introduce, well, have you guys introduce yourselves? Ladies first, so Meera, give us a little bit of who you are and where you come from. 

Meera: Thank you. So, yes, my name is Meera and I met Nelis on a program that we’re doing together, a study program that we’re doing together. So I am based in South East Asia. That’s where I come from. Growing up in a country that was multicultural and multi-religious, very comfortable with polarities. I have friends and family members from different faiths, and also different people groups. So it’s not unusual for me. And I have worked, my background is corporate reputation management and crisis communication. So I worked with multinational corporations, being the consultant to CEOs and their top teams. And I work with clients from different cultural backgrounds: Europeans, Australia, New Zealand, Koreans, Japanese, and learning how relationships work differently. And how do you manage that with different clients from different backgrounds? And then I served in-faith based organisations, currently my third faith-based organisation. And again it was always working very closely with the leaders, the founders, the directors, and consulting with them and journeying with them in terms of taking the work forward in different countries across different cultures. And I thrive in working in diversity, I love that. It’s what gives me life. Love people and love being on the ground with people. Especially passionate about working with young people from the global south because I believe they are the future of the church and the country. So that’s me. 

Nelis: Great, good to hear that, and there’s lots of hooks for further conversation aren’t there? Albert and where do you come from, what do you do? 

Albert: My name is Albert. I am from Hong Kong. Actually I have kind of over 40 years of work experience and currently for almost 20 years I’ve been heading a mission organisation in Hong Kong and focusing on the least reached people. My role is the General Secretary or Executive Director, but I have to say compared to many other places, although I’m staying in Hong Kong, I still consider myself not so multicultural because of the composition of people in Hong Kong. Although we do have a lot of international exposures, a lot of international colleagues, and we do work sometimes with Indonesians, we do work sometimes with Malaysians and Taiwanese and South East Asians and also some Westerners but not so much compared to other parts of South East Asia like Singapore or Malaysia. But I’m a keen learner. I am really eager to learn from all sorts of cultures and all sorts of people so that I can really work better with them.

Nelis: Great, thank you. That’s quite a rich variety of backgrounds, isn’t it, Kate? My first question to both of you is, you’ve listened to our podcast, you’ve probably done some reading, you’ve been exposed to this in this leadership training we were all at. To what extent does conversational leadership resonate with you, to what extent is that something that you’re familiar with? 

Albert: Well, maybe let me say something first, because I’m the most ignorant. My background is more in engineering. I’ve been in the University for over 20 years, teaching computer science. So, I’m more inclined to engineering type of things. So, when I first encountered this leadership as conversational leadership it really shocked me. I really doubted, I have to say. Can it really work? It seems to me that is more kind of empowering process through the conversation, instead of giving out direction or instruction from the leader. The leader try to converse and try to empower. It’s kind of mixing up some coaching questions, good coaching questions, a good kind of conversation that brings up the potential of the of the conversants, the one who converses with.

Nelis: That’s exactly one of the key elements in, in, in this approach, of course, there’s more to it than that. But yeah, that’s a core aspect. Yeah. And we will come back to this later as we talk about how would that work, or how does that work in your context? Meera to what extent do you feel comfortable with this topic? Have you encountered this, have you practised it? 

Meera: I think conversation is a subset of communication. So I come from a communication background and I know the power of communication to shape perceptions and to shift perceptions as well. And one subset of communication is conversation. So if I look at my corporate background, conversation was part of what we used to encourage leaders to do, especially when you’re taking an organisation through difficult change. Organisational change, merger and acquisition. How do you handle the uncertainty that your staff feel or your people feel? How would you journey with them? So, yes, there can be written communication. There can be recorded communication, but conversation is as well to allow for question and answer, for each direction and engagement. So coming from that background, and then moving into faith-based organisations. The first organisation I served with, were looking for an organisational shift, just because they’re coming close to half a century mark and they had done many things and were doing many things. But how do they streamline their communication so that people understand them better and know whether they are aligned to that organisation’s values and goals? So again we used a conversation. I basically journeyed with the top leaders of the organisation, because change is a very difficult subject and especially if you are exploring change at a 50 year mark where people are very comfortable with the way things are done. It’s very difficult. Are you moving against the tide? And so one of the approaches was I encouraged them to look at the leaders around the world where each one had relationships and to go down to the ground and just spend time with them in conversation, explaining the “why” we’re doing the change. And how does that involve them and then to allow them to speak into that process as well so that there is some sense of ownership, that this is not just imposed on me, but I’m also invested in it. And conversation was the main tool that we used before you go down the typical route of having a large meeting, doing a presentation and getting people to vote for it. So it was something that was never done before and when it was put to a vote, for the first time in the history of the organisation, they got a 99 percent vote for the change. That’s the power of conversation. Of course, I did ask, “Who’s that 1%?”! But, you know…

Nelis: Yes, and that sense of informal conversations, that ties very closely with that we’ve been discussing and discovering as being incredibly powerful. 

Kate: With listening as an essential part of conversations. 

Meera: Definitely.

Nelis: Albert, as we’re talking about this, you said that this is as an engineer quite new to you. Have you had some experiences anyway where you have used this empowering conversational approach? 

Albert: Yes, actually my leadership is kind of like an evolving leadership because from my academic background and engineering background, I used to jump to problem solving. As an engineer we always look into the problem and then we try to produce solutions. I’m kind of trained to do that. But in terms of conversational and interactive type leading people, we are co-creating the solution through dialogue, through interactions. I’m picking up over the years and actually for the Asian like myself and maybe Meeera we found that most of the solutions is through mealtime discussions, kind of informal, And then we come up with something very brilliant. I love it. That’s why people always looked up to me for having meals. People having meals together because in the Asian context they used to expect the leader to treat them. So always have a good treat then you can have a good solution or something, good answers. So I’m still learning about it but that made me broke sometimes! 

Nelis: Interesting. So conversational leadership is quite costly financially for you. Because you’ve got to invite them to meals.

Albert: That’s right.

Kate: But I love that. I think conversation happens more easily around a table, around a meal, for many reasons. I’d love to explore that sometime, the relationship between food and the nature of the time we spend together and conversation and  what can come out of these conversations differently to if you’re in a boardroom context or a work context.

Albert: Yeah, I’m already quite non-Asian. Because to the Asian context is more kind of directional leadership. But my wife, kind of co-working with me and she’s the co-leader of the organisation and she insisted we have to have it kind of like interactive, conversational, and she’s more a counsellor background. So she asked me, she forced me, actually to treat the people and then put it in a very comfortable environment, instead of you know, having a formal table, discussed things and that. We used to have all these mealtimes first and then after that, you know, during the meeting it’s very straightforward outcomes. 

Nelis: So Meera, do you recognise… I heard Albert say two key things. One is, normally Asian culture is quite directional but if you get together around meals there is space for the more informal way of leadership. Are they things that you recognize?

Meera: It’s true that with Asian cultures – and I’ve worked in East Africa teams as well –  and so it’s true that for them it’s more hierarchical. If you’re a leader, then you speak, and we’re supposed to carry that task however we may feel about it. But I think for me – if Albert mentions about informal conversations about meals – for me in my experience, to be able to have effective conversations where it’s not just me speaking but also having them speak into it, it first requires me taking time to get to know my people. And relationship is very key. So in the teams that I… at one point in the second organisation that I was working with, I was working in ten cross cultural settings all at the same time. What I used to do when I used to go to these places I would say, can I stay with you? And so I stayed with my team members and their family, eat with them, sleep with them, their families, get to know their life stories. And then I share my life story and after that we can talk about matters concerning work. I would say well you know from where I come from, in this situation, this would be how I would advise anyone to approach it and then I would say to them, but then again, how would you take this and apply it to your cultural context. So, I would say, I know the strategy, but I don’t know your culture. And so, how would you bring both of those together? But before I could get to the stage to talk about that, really, it was relationship-building first. Allowing them to get to know me, to know my heart, where I’m coming from, that I’m there for them, and I’m there with them, and then for me to listen to their story and understand their context. So when sometimes, there is resistance, because I understand their context I understand where the heart of the resistance is, and then I can work with that. So, I think relationship building is very, very key. So you have to invest that time. That means you can’t just get down to business once you get there, that usually is not taken very well. You know, arriving, at some place and then just getting down to business. Because it almost makes them feel like we are a means to an end, but if you take the time to get to know them as people, and you’re interested in them and in their families and then as part of it, can we journey together on the work front? It totally shifts attitudes and people are just more open to engage and to speak into it. 

Albert: It took me years to learn it because as an engineer background person I’m used to pressing a button and get solutions. But dealing with people, relation always go first. We have to relate first. I learn, it takes some years for me to really learn it. And people, said I’m getting more mellow now, more than 20, if you work with me 20 years ago, you find me kind of you know, go straight, get the solution, get things done and very quickly, but relation always not the priority. But now, as I’m getting older, I found, you know, build a relation is number one. And then we can then work together and and yeah, I’m learning it now.

Meera: And it’s also very different with different generations. Probably our generation and the generation before a different style probably worked, but with the younger generations, with the youth, I’m realising who, regardless if they came from Global South, if they are people, young people raised in poor communities and slums, they are quite astute and they are quite exposed, thanks to technology and smartphones. They are people who want to be able to speak into, want to be able to contribute. They ask questions and I welcome questions and some questions are very difficult and sometimes I do say to them, actually, that’s a really good question, I don’t have the answer,  but you must keep calling us out, as in us meaning guests who come into your country and are working with, you need to call us out. You need to ask us questions, hard questions, and whatever you observe, you’re not clear, please,  feel free to come and ask me. The millennial,the youth are completely different and I think relationship engagement, conversation is very, very key for them. And even if, like I said, they came from slums and poor communities they do have this belief in them, “We know our people and our context better”. And I think that is something that we need to learn to tackle.

Nelis: It’s fascinating how much of this is universal because when you talked about the importance of relationships, I think that is true in most any culture. It expresses itself differently whether you’re in a western culture, in the Global South, Asia, I think there is something to that in every culture. So it’s fascinating. 

Kate: Although I think in Western cultures there is an assumption that you can just go in and start talking work straight away. There isn’t that background, there isn’t that expectation that you get to… I think things do go a lot better if you do get to know the whole person and we want to do that. But it’s, I think it’s not a natural behaviour for us. I think we need to learn that too. And I think what you’re saying about what’s universal is the next generation – the Millennials, the Zs – there’s more commonality because they are digital natives. They have grown up with a very different environment to us, that is shaping them. 

Nelis: It’s interesting, both of you mentioned something around. Okay, Albert, you said, I’ve become more mellow. Meera you talk about, sometimes I just have to say, “I don’t know”. In a hierarchical culture that is kind of hard because people expect – I suspect – that you have the answers, that you give clear direction and if you don’t, it may be seen as weakness. How do you deal with that, in that cross-cultural context? 

Meera: I think interestingly, for me to be able to say, “I don’t know” or to be comfortable in saying, “Can you tell me how you would apply this in your context?” actually that was the thing that brought the barriers down. That was the thing that shifted this whole attitude of hierarchical because then I was saying, “I know this much, but I don’t know everything. What you know, can you bring to the table and can we make it work together?”. That shifted this whole hierarchical stuff. There is still respect in terms of me as a leader but I think they saw me as someone where it was a safe space for them to bring their ideas or bring their concerns, or their doubts and questions. But if I was not comfortable in saying, “I don’t know” or if I’m not comfortable in being vulnerable, in some instances, then that would maintain the hierarchical mode. If I felt like I needed to hold it all together and keep it all together and have all the answers that would just perpetuate that cycle of hierarchical leadership.

Albert:  Well from my experiences Hong Kong, compared to other Asian culture, is relatively less hierarchical, but still we do have some hierarchy but from my experience, well I’m kind of dating back 20 years ago when I first started as the executive director. At that time I’m kind of always the one who provides the final result, the final solution and I’m the one who has the solution for everything. But now as time goes, I started to be kind of more conversational or more interactive in a way that as I grow in life experience, I really want to develop people instead of I’m the one to provide a solution. So, people comment that I’m “not so Asian” in many ways because I used to tell them that this is something I don’t know. This is something I really don’t know, but I can help you to quickly make it work, to make it done, or something like that. So I see the change or kind of evolving, you know, an evolution in my leadership, from kind of very directive to kind of more interaction, interactional and then maybe so-called conversational type and bringing people, more into the scene that they can lead themselves rather than looking up to me to have something. So my organisation is getting more and more and more people they can do on themselves and without really always coming back to me for instructions. Asian culture tends to have the subordinate always come up to you for instruction but now my organisation is set, at least from my Hong Kong organisations, my staff, they don’t quite really need to come to me often for the solution because they can have the solutions and we just have kind of conversation and discussion and that’s it. And then I let them continue to make the decision and get work sense. And so I’m getting better, now, in terms of, my life is a bit more easier. 

Nelis: That’s fascinating.

Albert: In Asian context, to be a  leader is very tough because people look up to you as kind of the king. You know, if you are in Korea or somewhere, you know you are the final problem solver, you can do everything. But now I’m not that person you know, I always tell my staff. I’m not that person you know, no need to come up to me for that. 

Kate: And how do they handle that when their cultural assumptions about you, and how you will lead, bump up against what they meet in you?

Albert:  Oh, it’s a cultural cultivation – it’s spent more than five years for me to cultivate that kind of culture that they don’t need to come to me for solution. Okay. It takes time. Every time they come to me for solution, then I come back to them asking questions, and they do that in a kind of like coaching. Gradually, they find that “Well, I can do that, you know, I don’t really need to come to Albert for that, you know. So getting more friends-type working environment rather than superior-subordinate type environment. 

Nelis: Have people started to respect you more because of that or less? 

Albert: My experience is they love me more. I can tell because they actually, they come to me saying that, you know, if I were with you 15 years ago, I can tell you were so aloof and though I didn’t say anything, immediately they said you are arrogant. I say, is that true? You know, I’m not that arrogant but they said you know you look like you are arrogant. They come back to me and say that, you have some big changes over the years. Thank God for that. I look more like their father now than their superior, or a boss. 

Nelis: That’s fascinating and your comment about how it takes time to grow that is really insightful. 

Meera: I think I found your question, Nelis, very interesting as you asked, “Do they still respect you?”. I think you know different cultures have different definition of respect or expectation of respect. So the way I am with my team members, they still sometimes call me “Yes. Ma’am” or “Yes, boss” and we would laugh, but there is that respect? Being comfortable to say, “I don’t know” or being comfortable to be vulnerable, did not in any way cause them to disrespect me or lower the respect. It seems to have just brought the respect to a higher level. On one level it made us seem both as peers in the sense that they lack certain resources or certain gifts. But then I was telling them, “Well, I also lack certain resources and certain gifts, but if we pool it together, then you know, then we are richer for it and we’re more whole as a team, but I do have that years of knowledge and experience that you don’t, and I’m bringing it to the table as an offering”. So it didn’t in any way lower the respect. I think it sort of increased. Albert said a key word. He said “love”. And I remember when I was leaving one of the teams, in their  farewell message to me, they said to me, we had many guest workers who came to our country and said that they came to our country because they loved us. But we did hear them say something about us and our culture that was negative. Or they kept saying “We are here because we sacrifice”. And they said to me, you never said you came here because you loved us. You never said, you came here out of sacrifice. But we know that you love us because we saw it in your words and we saw it in your actions. And you gave us space to grow. And those locals or those nationals are now in leadership, and that relationship continues even though I’m no longer in that organisation, they still make sure they send me messages to say, “Well, I just am on this foreign trip, you know, for a training program. Thank you for all that you did. I never thought I could be here, but I’m getting this chance because of what you did for me”. Or sometimes they still reach out to me and say, “Well, I have this issue and I’m trying to navigate it. This is the way I think I should go. What do you think?” So, they still allow me to speak into and continue as their mentor. Yeah, so it didn’t in any way lower the respect, it heightened and it also deepened the relationship. In a way, we’re both journeying together. We’re both discovering and learning. I might be a few steps ahead of you on certain matters. But on other aspects you could be ahead of me. So it was a mutuality. 

Kate: Thanks Meera, that’s really interesting as it takes me on to my next question for you both, which is, you’ve both obviously had a lot of experience in developing younger leaders. What would be your advice for Asian leaders, younger leaders, who are looking at conversational leadership and are a bit hesitant and are thinking. Will this work in my culture? How will this go down with people? What advice would you have for them? 

Meera: For me and my experience of the younger nationals that I served, that was how I did it, conversational leadership and they have taken on that. And it seems to be working well, from what I’m hearing back from them. I think, because it allows their team members who are all nationals, to feel like they have some value to contribute. That it’s not just to receive instructions that they can speak into it as well. If you’re asking that question as to whether conversational leadership among young Asian leaders is a tough goal, I think not not. Not in the circles that I’ve been in, the circles I’m still engaged with, that seems to be the modus operandi today. I don’t know about other circles, I can only speak for myself, but that seems to be the way because they have experienced that from me, they’ve experienced that from other guest workers in our team and so they feel empowered by it and they are practising it, and it’s really producing positive results. And what conversational leadership does in these circles is that it allows people to thrive and grow and you are in a way equipping the next generation or you’re equipping your team members to step into leadership positions, to empower them, to give them a sense of “I can do it too. There is something of me and from me that is of value that can really help the whole team to flourish, a whole organisation to flourish”. So, it is an indirect way of equipping future leaders, it’s an indirect way of empowering people, and I think it’s also a way of making sure that as you work together or as you lead, you still respect and keep each person’s dignity because you’re allowed to engage in the process and speak into them. 

Albert: Yeah, if you allow me to say something, I think there are several “Cs” we can consider. Well, I think as leaders normally we have to do something and although we show our vulnerability, although we show we are not omniscient in everything but still, we need to demonstrate to them we are hard-working and competent in certain areas. And this is the first C. The second C I would like to advise the leaders is that no matter what we have to show our care. Care for our colleagues, in our conversation, in our actions. And another thing is that I would like to recommend is to always show them that when they have problems, although you don’t know the answers, you would like to co-work with them. Co-working with them. I’m always there to help. I’m always there to assist. So the several Cs: show them you are are not a leader just doing your dumb leading, you do have the competency but at the same time, you do care. And at the same time, you are co-working with them and you are already co-creating things. And I think that would be helpful. 

Meera: I think I’ve also learned like Albert. I mean, my leadership style has changed because coming from the corporate culture, it was always about performance. Performance trumps people. But I think, you know, over the years I’ve learned that people first, performance second. People trump performance. Also in terms of what are your values as a leader? And my value is to ensure that the people that I’m leading will grow and flourish and thrive. I don’t see myself as a leader forever. When I go into a leadership position, my aim is to work myself out of it. And that the team that I’m leading will then step into my role. And I think that really having that sort of a value, conversational leadership just falls into place naturally, because that’s one of the ways of allowing people to speak into the process, to be invested, to engage, to participate. And that’s the only way you’ll grow into that role of being leaders. And then I can walk out and be happy to hand it over to them. So, that value, I think is really, really important. And I think you’ll always have a place in their life, as it has been with my team members who are now in leadership. We still engage because there’s a relationship. I continue to be their mentor, not on the books, not on paper, but I continue to journey with them in life. And I’ve seen them as singles, now they are married with one kid, and I continue to journey as their companion and their confidante and their mentor. And I think to me, that is what is most precious. I think leadership is not just in a formal role, but leadership takes many different aspects. 

Nelis: Absolutely. And I love that. Because leadership is too often confused with just titles but actually it’s something quite different. Yeah, I love how you both say, it’s so much part of the shaping of the next generation of leaders. In order to do that, you need to empower. You need to give space, you need to help them come up with solutions themselves, etc. It does, as you said, Meera, fall into place naturally. I want to do one or two last things. There is one question I’m asking myself: in the specific Asian cultures and I’m using plural because I realise it’s very tempting to talk about Asia, but Asia is incredibly diverse in itself. But with that caveat, what do you see as key cultural opportunities that young leaders, people who want to use conversational leadership, can take advantage of in their cultural context? That actually makes it easier rather than harder? 

Albert: In the Asian culture, the hierarchy is so strong and conversational leadership actually urges the leader to listen. If you ask me, I would strongly recommend or encourage Asian leaders, take time to listen, and conversational leadership is kind of urging them to listen rather than keep giving commands, giving out instructions. Try to listen. Listen with your heart. I can tell a story about some Asian leaders. Although they allow the subordinate to speak, but after all, the so-called allowing the subordinate to speak out and say something, and then the leader said “I’m still the King and that’s my solution, that’s my instruction, do it!”. So it’s not truly conversational leadership. So that the whole point is, if you ask me to advise on Asian leaders, with that strong hierarchy type mentality, we have to be humble and listen. I think listening is the key. 

Meera: I think you’re right, Nelis. Asian cultures are very diverse, even in a country like India, there’s so many diverse cultures in just one country. But if you ask about opportunities for conversational leadership, if we go back to our culture, in every Asian culture, if you go down to the family unit, wisdom is passed down orally through stories and faith-based stories, mythologies. And yet, the stories that are told when wisdom is embedded in it, it doesn’t have the conclusion. It’s always open ended. And so children and young people are basically invited to do critical thinking, and to find the way themselves. So, in a way conversational leadership has been happening for centuries, even in family units. And I think there is an opportunity there because with especially the current generation they want to be able to speak into it, they want to be able to engage and contribute, but I think conversational leadership still gives you that route of sharing some wisdom, some experience and yet not giving the conclusion, or the resolution, making it open-ended and then helping them to engage. So, there, definitely it’s not foreign, it actually has been happening. But I think at a certain point of history, I think when colonisation happened, then that shift happened, where the top down, the hierarchy, where you’re told exactly to the final point, this is exactly what needs to be done. But before colonisation it was always, yes, you have the leader and there is a communal discussion and there is wisdom that’s passed down and yet it’s open-ended because everybody needs to do some amount of critical thinking. So in a way, it’s kind of going back. It’s not foreign, it’s not new, it’s going back. It’s sort of like the circle of life. So there’s definitely opportunity, and it definitely fits with the youth, with our current youth in the Asian culture. I think even the African culture. I am so inspired and encouraged by some of the ideas I get from them. And I agree with Albert that as a leader we need to listen because by listening we get the more fuller context but also by listening we are also learning and we are also being shaped by it. We are also growing. I think one of the most important value that a leader needs to hold on is, no matter how high the leadership rank that you sit on, you have to constantly remain in a learning culture and once that is known, I think you encourage that culture in your team and in your organisation, that will be an organisational culture that is vibrant, full of ideas, always, very quick to respond to shifts. And that is sort of the culture I think a leader needs to create.

Nelis: Thank you. I think that is a good way to end. I wouldn’t know any better final words. So with that I think we can close. 

Kate: Thank you both. It’s been fascinating. So many lessons for leaders from any culture. I’ll certainly be going back and listening to this and making notes. It’s been great to have you here, sharing your wisdom, your experience over many years. Thank you both. And as usual to our listeners, if you would like to join in the conversation at all, please head over to leadinginconversation.net and leave your comments and thoughts there.

Episode 7

Leading in Conversation
Leading in Conversation
Leading in Conversation – Episode 7
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Show notes

Barry Oshry, Seeing Systems

Transcript

Kate: Hello and welcome to another episode of Leading in Conversation. We’re really excited today to have another guest with us, a colleague of ours, Jason Griffiths. Thanks for coming along, Jason.

Jason: It’s great to join you Kate, thanks for inviting me.

Nelis: Jason, why don’t you start off with sharing a little bit of your background and why you’re interested in conversational leadership?

Jason: Thanks Nelis. Yeah, it’s been an interest I’ve had for a while, but it wasn’t until around 2018 that I was able to put a term on it, as I began to learn about conversational leadership. But prior to that, it was really an interest in allowing people to talk to one another. And I had this idea about teams, that a really important approach was that teams could work together, talking to one another to enable them to make good decisions and that teams should talk to other teams in the organisation. And that way we have better outcomes, better decisions, we can hear one another, things like that. So I was thinking in terms of teams. So it wasn’t until 2018 I heard the term conversational leadership and I thought “Wow! This is a term that captures the kinds of things I’ve been trying to do”.

Nelis: Is that for you just another term or does it actually shape your thinking?

Jason: Yeah, definitely, as I heard the term it really did help to shape the kind of initial aha moment, “Oh, this is a term to use for what I’ve been trying to achieve”. And then it begins to sharpen it to say, “Yeah, so what does a conversational way of leading actually look like in practice?” and I began to experiment more in that space.

Kate: What are some of the values in conversational leadership that appeal to you? What is it particularly that grabs you, resonates with you?

Jason: Yeah, I think that it’s this idea that you take time to hear each other. So you’re valuing other people, being able to set a space to hear other people. Also this idea that we actually co-create together in ways that we couldn’t imagine on our own. The added value of other people’s input just increases all the different nodes, adding in and we can increase all the possibilities from there. So that’s pretty exciting, that we’re not only doing something that helps people to feel valued but we’re doing something that actually makes our result better as well.

Kate: Absolutely. And we should add at this point, we didn’t give any introduction to Jason other than his name! Jason has been a senior leader in our organisation for many years, at the country level and now he oversees one of our global regions. How do you see conversational leadership contrasting with traditional models of leadership?

Jason: I guess it depends on your perception. You might be able to tell from my accent, but being Australian we’re fairly egalitarian, maybe like many others, you and others listening. So this idea of people being on the same level and sharing together is a cultural value that I grew up in as well. Finding ways of leadership that bring that kind of “we do it together” value has always been something I’ve tried to do. It’s part of how I’ve done leadership in the past, and so working in a way that kind of creates teams, because that way you’re bringing people together to lead together, that was very appealing to me. So that’s in each leadership situation I found myself in, the idea of inviting others to join a team, to do it together, was always really appealing. And so that led to, “So how do we do this kind of conversation as a team, how do we then talk to other teams that might be linked to ours?” and, so yeah, it’s part of the process. So I think the, the kind of leadership style where a leader might be expected to have all the answers or to have the right knowledge or skill set or the right whatever, to be able to meet all the needs that there are in leadership is just a fallacy, and so being able to access knowledge from people around us that are working in different contexts and have various realities that they’ve lived through, to be able to say “What do you think about this, and how does this situation look to you?” and give their insights, that’s just a much better way to do leadership. And that’s what conversational leadership can bring.

Nelis: It’s interesting, you say that culturally for you this is a really good match, but you’ve also led in much more hierarchical cultural contexts, both colleagues who are from a hierarchical culture or an overall environment where it’s different. How have you seen that play out in cross-cultural settings where the expectation is actually very different?

Jason: That’s a good question. I think in various cultures it will look quite different. I’ve found that conversation seems to be a common element. People talk to each other. They do it in different ways. So I think in a very hierarchical culture you probably wouldn’t find the boardroom where executives sit and decisions are being made, that’s less likely to be the place where there is free-flowing co-sharing, meaning-making conversation happening. In a hierarchical context that might not be it. But the conversations happen. It’s possible that they may happen a few days before or a few hours before, where people are having all these conversations to make meaning together, so that the decisions that come in that boardroom context would be the right decisions. And so I think they still happen, the conversations still take place. It’s just the process, the table setting, if you like, for how you invite those conversations might look a bit different in an egalitarian context versus a very hierarchical one.

Nelis: You talked about this interest of yours. It’s actually become so concrete you said that you want to do some research and writing about that. Can you share a bit more about that?

Jason: Part of my Masters research that I did  a couple of years ago, finished a couple of years ago, found that in many contexts in which I was doing research, people wanted to get together, they wanted to have their voices heard, they wanted to have ways of participating in creating the decisions that are made. It was just really interesting to see how people expressed that in their own words. And so that was another reason that I thought, I’ve been experiencing anyway. I didn’t ask people in the research about conversational leadership, that wasn’t the focus of that research but it came out from what people said… not the terminology, but the experience of wanting to make meaning together and to be heard and valued for what they had to share from their lived experience. And I thought, “Wow this is quite strong in what people want to do and share in an organisation”. So I was thinking more about that, what would I do next leading from that, and conversational leadership is getting sharper in our organisation, we’re talking more about it and we’re trying to practise it more and so I began thinking about doing a PhD in this area of conversational leadership. And so something in the area of conversational leadership as an effective methodology to increase the quality of leadership decisions. That space, of how do we use this to enable things to be better for all stakeholders, for the staff, for other stakeholders outside, for leaders, how could conversational leadership be a tool to make it better? So, yeah, I’m just in the process of starting that journey at the moment.

Kate: Really interesting subject there for your PhD, especially as one of the critiques of conversational leadership from people is, “It’s just talk. When do we actually make a decision?”. So I love that you’re planning to look at how we can use it to improve our decision-making. Can you share a little bit about your thoughts there? 

Jason: Yes, I think this very thing of, how do we make conversational leadership into something that actually is shaping and is moving somewhere is a critique that I’ve heard too. That people are like, “Well you can just talk and talk and that’s fine, but is that really a way of doing leadership? Is that really a way of actually moving us somewhere?”. That’s why I chose this particular area of research because I think there are ways that we can work on that. I’d love to be able to have some data to say actually, here’s some ideas and here’s some basis from research that says yes, it’s an effective way of actually doing leadership better. It’s more, a quality outcome can arise from conversational leadership. 

Nelis: I loved your earlier comment, Jason, where you said “making meaning together”. I think that’s what you said, and I’m just taken by that comment because that is, I think, the core of what conversational leadership is about in many ways, in a very pithy way. Have you seen that happen in practice? So, you talk about that desire that in your Master’s research came out. Have you seen that happening in practice? That meaning-making together? 

Jason: One of the ways I’ve seen meaning-making happen together is in the Area in which I worked. The various department heads, I would in the past ask for reports to be sent in, it might be a regular report about activity, measuring something, indicators. In the past it would be a report I’d ask for, might be a one or two-page report. And you get the data of what’s going on. But more recently, I’ve been asking for a conversation around those with each of the department heads and sometimes part of their team. And so each time there’s a reporting cycle, we’ve not only received, we do receive a written report, but it’s quite brief, and then by inviting a conversation and setting up a series of conversations with different department heads and their teams, you really begin to get not only why the data’s there, but what’s behind the data, the value behind that as well. And you can kind of share together, on “”hy did you report that? And what do you think happened to lead to that going on?”. And you’re kind of creating understanding together. And both the department and myself, we’re learning, we’re both learning something, both able to contribute, it’s so much more meaningful than just receiving a piece of paper and going, “Oh, that’s, that looks good.” You could write a half page response but you’re still not really getting to what’s behind that. And how can we understand that in an even greater extent through the conversation of exchanging ideas. That’s one way of something going from the very almost, one directional space of just a report being submitted, to allowing it to be a starting place, to create a whole nother level of meaning, which happens together. 

Kate: Yes, we’ve often talked about the generative elements of conversational leadership before. It opens up space to go in new directions, whereas a report would be a very static thing: “Here’s what’s happened”. Perhaps, “Here’s why”. When you have a conversation together, you know, as you say you can dig deeper and look at why things happen, but also you can spark off, novelty, new thoughts, new directions. And it becomes a whole different experience with a lot more generative energy in it. I love that. That’s really exciting to hear. 

Jason: Yeah, I’ve found it’s both more interesting for the participants and it does generate these new ideas just as you described. And so you go away going, “Huh, there’s new things we can do just because we had that conversation”. They might not have percolated without having this catalyst of a conversation about it, to actually create these new ideas.

Kate: And you might not have arrived at the end of that meeting with definite decisions or action items, but there’s those things percolating which will then go on to make a difference and lead to new things. And it’s that tension, isn’t it, we’ve talked about before, between making a decision and saying, “This is the way we’re going to go”, and leaving space for things to grow, that are in effect a decision. You take a step in a certain direction because of the conversation and that in itself is a decision. It’s just not a decision that we write on paper and highlight and, you know, share with others or write a memo about, but it’s still a decision. And, as I said, looking forward to hearing more about your research in this area.

Nelis: It sounds that it also changes the dynamic of your relationship with the people you report to.  It’s less, they are reporting to you to accomplish the goals that you have set. And it’s more, setting goals together, bi-directional empowering. Is that correct? 

Jason: That’s right. I think so. I guess it’s going back to this idea of novelty, that new ideas come up that might end up in the report and then in future conversations – because they were generated here at this point – there’s a certain way of novelty coming out of the conversation, new ideas spring up, and they become then included in future conversations. So it’s, it can become greater and like more and more happens, more and more comes out of a conversation, with lots of threads that come out. Now some of those will continue on, be stronger, other ones, they might not be the things that have the energy in them and they maybe, laid down, laid aside, and that’s okay. 

Nelis: You once told me, Jason, about a staff conference that was planned as a big formal event and that for some reason was not possible, I think it had to do with Covid. Then as a result, you ended up with lots of informal meetings. Can you tell more about that? Because you shared that that was actually quite powerful and that might have even been more effective than the formal conference ever could have been. So, can you share about what happened? And how you see that as an illustration of conversational leadership? 

Jason: So, this little thing called Covid… There was a planned conference of all of the department and quite a lot of people involved. And I travelled to that location. And then it was all looking good. We’d set up all these ways of having a large group conversation with the whole department. And then rules changed, as we are all familiar with that process of, you plan something, then the rules changed. And the gathering size decreased and actually, stepped down over a couple of days. It ended up being you could only meet in quite a small group. And so just thinking, “Oh, wow, what do you do in a situation like this when you have all these really creative conversations with large groups planned and then it just isn’t possible?”. And so we kind of switched and said, “Well, the people are here. The people are gathered in some form. They can’t all be in one space altogether, but people are around. Could we have just very small conversations instead, the same kind of topics, thinking about change, thinking about what’s next, thinking about goals. Things like that. Can we have those same conversations but just in very much smaller groups and do it in lots of different iterations?”. And so we did that and it was interesting because each time we had just a small group conversation in this iterative process, we would learn that… there’s a little group, I think it was only two of us that went from from small group to small group, kind of bringing some of the learning from one group to the next group and learning about the process as we did it. And so changing slightly because it was this two-way conversation. Not only were we asking questions and receiving responses, but we’re both learning together, all the participants learning together. 

Kate: Sounds a bit like a World Cafe, but done not simultaneously, but done sequentially. And in fact, if you’re taking what you’re hearing from one group on to the next. Interesting. 

Jason: Yeah. We weren’t taking everything. We were letting each group discover for themselves. But we were taking some of the process learnings like, “Oh, we wouldn’t do that again”. “That’s not a good way to elicit questions or to get good responses”. And then redefining some of the things we were doing because we learnt that that’s not a good way to engage people. So it was a little bit like that, we were bringing some of the learnings, certainly the process learnings, to each group, but in the end it was a much, probably a more powerful experience of learning together than it would have been had it been the large group that we had originally planned. So that was a really interesting learning, that these small conversations could be as effective as a large conversation that we might hope for. 

Kate: Yeah. If you think about that, people’s level of engagement in small groups is much more focused. In a big group you can kind of switch off – especially when it’s a couple of hundred people – you switch off and just let the usual people speak. Whereas if you’re in smaller groups, you feel more inclined to speak up, it’s not quite so nerve wracking to speak in a small group than if you’re standing up at a microphone. That’s really interesting. And that releases a whole different level of discussion and thinking and creativity. 

Jason: Yeah, a lot more intimate conversation because you’re in these quite small groups and you can share more deeply from your own lived experience. And so I think much more meaningful all around really. 

Nelis: How did you come up with conclusions out of that process? Did you end up with formal decisions or was the sense that the conversations themselves were the impacts that you were looking for? How did it land in some way? 

Jason: I think both. So the conversations themselves and the generative capacity of those conversations, of people thinking of new things and engaging in the topics in a different way than they had before. That in itself was of great value. But there were also some outcomes that through the various conversations, there was some synthesis of those inputs that actually came to some conclusion as well, so you can across all the conversations: “This is what all the different iterations said, in a synthesised form”. So there was some output like that but there was also this value of we’ve engaged together, we’ve been creating some meaning together, we’ve had these small group conversations, which were just very powerful. 

Kate: So, is there anything else that you’d like to share with us, that you’ve been doing, differently to traditional leadership models? 

Jason: There’s another way we’ve been using conversational leadership. In a sense where the topics could be quite a motive or deeply held. Where there’s conflict, really, among a group. And so there’s a way of using conversational leadership, where over a period of time, you can create some space and a feeling of safety in the group and being able to share and really listen. The key is to listen carefully to what each other is saying. And over a period of time through that listening carefully and honouring each of the participants by listening carefully to their perspective and what they had to say. Being able to sit with those different stories and different voices and kind of make meaning as a group together to decide on a particular outcome. So it’s another way of using conversational leadership that allows that space and it’s more of a, it’s a longer process, I guess, that would be the difference. And you’re also recognizing that there’s some tricky things going on, there’s some deeply held things happening, things that people hold. And so giving space and creating safety so people can share those and bring those. And, as in a Christian group, we also say that we’re listening carefully to God in that process. So not only listening to each other but we would say that we’re listening to God so that the process of listening to one another and listening to God together can bring us to an outcome, which might be quite different than if we just had a quick conversation or made a quick decision. So this process of discernment through conversation is another way that we’ve been using conversational leadership. 

Kate: We’ve done similar discernment processes, as a leadership team, haven’t we Nelis? It really takes you into a different kind of space, when you stop and you say, okay, we’re you know, we, we’ve approached this from sort of a businesslike way and a very intellectual, cognitive way. Now, we want to step back and we want to acknowledge our emotions, acknowledge all the different influences, dig deeper and see what are the values? And then just take some time to sort of give all that up and wait and reflect. And as you say as a faith-based organisation, we value listening to God. And actually there’s something incredibly powerful in doing that as a leadership team and just stopping and saying we don’t have all the perspectives. Obviously, conversational leadership says we need the perspectives of all and as we’ve said in previous episodes, for us as a faith-based organisation that includes making space for God to speak in. And others who don’t share the same faith as us but acknowledge the value of spirituality in their work, will – I think – recognize this element as well. And recognize that we haven’t got all that it takes in our brains. 

Jason: I think it can be quite a remarkable process to go down. What you said there, that not only are we making space to listen to others but also we are really recognizing that we don’t have the answers and we need one another and there’s something quite powerful in that. 

Nelis: I just finished yesterday, a book by Barry Oshery,  Seeing Systems and one of his points is embracing uncertainty. And in some ways, realising that the opposing view and your view are both needed to maintain balance and to keep a robust system in place. Otherwise you just get fragmentation, in ossified positions, and things like that. I think what you’re describing is a way, is one of the ways to break out of that, to step back and say, why do we feel the way we feel and embrace each other’s position and get to a sense of shared understanding, which is, I think incredibly powerful and important to maintain a robust system. 

Kate: And as a really kind of unique thing in a discernment process, the stage that is often referred to as “indifference”. You know, which when I first encountered this, I was like, “How can I be indifferent to this? You know, I’m fully invested in this!”. I think the essence of it is being willing to give up that investment, that commitment to a certain angle, the kind of obsession with the outcome you want and just say, you know, I may not be right here and I need to be willing to just… 

Nelis: I’m aware that there are other positions that are just as valid and being willing to do what’s right instead of doing what I want. 

Jason: That’s right. When we sometimes we hear the word indifference, we think, “I don’t care”, but we’re not talking about that meaning of “I don’t  care”, we’re saying “I can lay down my deeply held conviction on this topic because I want what’s best for the group”. But I think that’s the essence of conversation leadership, isn’t it? That we are able to lay down this idea that I can do it by myself and we’re embracing others and inviting them into the process? I think that’s what conversational leadership is. 

Nelis: I think you just gave a wonderful definition. Well with that, I’d almost say we should stop, but we had a few more thoughts. It’s not all rosy and perfect and everything always works. So, two questions? Have you run into struggles, where it didn’t work, and how have you sought to overcome those? 

Jason: Definitely, I would say that it’s two things in my mind where it’s a struggle. One is just the busyness and the pace in leadership. There’s so much going on, there’s so much call on our time, there’s so many meetings to line up, all the things that we all know about as leaders, all happening. And so, how do we create the space required to really have a meaningful conversation with others? And so I think that’s the first thing, is in this tyranny of the urgent, how do we actually create the space? Because it needs space. We can’t invite others into a meaningful conversation if we only have a few minutes to give to it, it does require space. And so that’s the first thing, I think, is actually being able to put value to this sufficiently that we can say, it needs the space that it needs to be able to have this important conversation with others.

Nelis: And that’s kind of countercultural for us, isn’t it? Because we tend to want to do things quickly, rush on, and so yeah, we … to be able to step back and say, let’s create room, for this is important. 

Kate: Accepting that we might have to slow down in order to make progress is hard. And also, how do you find that space when you’re meeting by Zoom? Because we have these very structured meetings, an hour and then we go on to another meeting and it’s that lingering between meetings, it’s the mealtime conversations, it’s the empty spaces. That’s where the real stuff happens. So we’ve still got to work at creating that space, I think, in this digital way of working. 

Jason. Yeah, exactly. I think we all struggle with that, this hour is this meeting, the next half hour’s that meeting. How do you really create a space in that Zoom or Skype or whatever technology you’re using, in that environment, how do you create the space? So I think we have to be very intentional about that, of paying attention to the agendas we’re creating and in making some space for things, just generating conversation together. And keeping time in the meeting, or that, But it’s, it’s not as easy as face-to-face conversation where you can be a bit more relaxed. So I think you have to, I think it can be done, but it takes more attention to be able to do it. Once you’ve got the space, whether you’re trying to do it virtually or whether you’re trying to do it in person, the next thing is actually to invite conversation, so that you’ve got that creative generative conversation of really listening to each other, where the different participants can actually contribute. Because you can create the space and kill it by starting a monologue or asking questions in such a way as you know, there’s shame or… there’s all these ways that we kill conversation. So not only create the space but then really create that trust by starting the creative and generative conversations, which we want to listen, we value the listening, listening to others.

Nelis: It’s neat, the way you’re saying that. That it requires practice and skill and it’s an ongoing learning process, just creating space is not enough. It’s something that we all need to learn how to do that, to not kill the conversation. And I catch myself doing it wrong. I see it around me happening all the time with all the best intentions of the world. Space has been created and conversations killed.

Jason: Yes. And there’s so much that goes into that. There’s probably a whole research degree here about how we show interest in the other person and in other participants, the body language, the eye contact, the facial expression. All of that would go into this thing, which is creating a place of safety to value and to listen to others. 

Nelis: I think there’s a third one that you wanted to mention?

Jason: The other part of it is that the idea of conversational leadership is that it is leadership. That we’re not just having a conversation. You know, we’re not just talking about the weather and that was interesting. Or we’re learning something new and that was also fun. But actually there’s an element of leadership to this which means that the process is going somewhere and that might be obvious soon or it might not. It might take some time, might take a struggle. And you guys have talked about this before in your podcast, about how that you’re struggling, you’re struggling, you’re trying to get through this period of confusion to get to the point of meaning making. I was reading something recently, talked about a similar concept, they called it the ‘edge of chaos’. You go to the edge of chaos and you kind of drag it back into some place of meaning. And that’s a critical part of this process too. Is that not only creating space and in allowing the generative conversation, the creative conversation to happen. But actually, it does need to go somewhere or people can just get frustrated that we’ve had a great conversation. And then next month, we meet again, have another great conversation. But what, what’s going on? Where’s the process leading us? And so there has to be over a period of time, there has to be some movement, that people can see that meaning is being made and that is shaping the direction. 

Kate: I love that you mentioned the edge of chaos. I think this is one of the things that really appealed to me when I was doing my master studies and encountered applications of complexity science to leadership. It was talking about the place that novelty created is exactly that edge of chaos, because that’s where everything’s kind of up for grabs. That’s where things change. I think that’s why we need to pay attention to who we include in our conversations. If they’re all the usual suspects we’re not going to get the diversity we need, we’re not going to get the new perspectives. So you bring in the people on the fringes, but you also have to tolerate that chaos for a little bit. You can’t have productive conversations if you just stay in the safe zones of what we know and believe and do already. You have to have safety and freedom to ask the wild questions, the things, you know, to tread on sacred ground and raise those things that we don’t really talk about and create that chaos and live in that place of uncertainty and chaos and awkwardness and just be okay with it. And as leaders, that’s hard. And I know that leaders from hierarchical cultures have said that’s really hard for them because you’re expected to know and give direction. 

Nelis: But you also need to drag it back. You have that tension. 

Jason: You can’t live there can you? It wears people out, that ambiguity all the time. Although some of us like ambiguity too, we can’t stay there as an organisation. You have to bring it back into shape and actually have some process leading somewhere and I think that’s this other element, that conversation leadership honours people, invites the participation and the meaning-making together. And this chaos, then leads over time to some new things and some good things. And this is the progress. This is the movement that we want to see.

Kate: And leaders have a special role to play in, both in framing the conversation, helping it to keep going in productive directions, and then helping people to reach some conclusions without pinning it down and killing it. Allowing space for the conversations to keep generating new things, as I think we were talking about at the beginning, we’ve come full circle. 

Nelis: And that might be a good time to actually come to an end. Jason, is there anything that we haven’t covered that you would like to sort of bring out, or some concluding comments? 

Jason: I think one thing is, is just that from my perspective experimenting with conversational leadership has been a really rich experience. So people who might be listening to this and going, it sounds a little bit uncomfortable, sounds a bit strange. I would really encourage you to embrace this and to experiment with conversational leadership because I think that in the process we ourselves are learning. We’re becoming better leaders in the process by including others in it. It has the potential to make better decisions. And yeah, as we were saying before, there’s something of that, humility, recognizing we haven’t got all the answers, that is also character-building in us. And so, I think that people who are a little bit cautious, of “Should we give this a try? What would it look like”? I’d encourage you to try and experiment with conversational leadership in your sphere of influence.

Nelis:  And I couldn’t agree more and that’s one of the reasons we’re doing this podcast, is for people to hear the stories, to get a sense of “Yes, I could try this and start to experiment”. So, I’m excited about you doing that. And I’m also looking forward, we are looking forward, Jason, to what will come out of your research, and learning stuff that will contribute also, in academia, on this topic, because, I feel that there is still a whole world to be won, also at the research level. So I’m excited that you’re doing that. 

Jason: Yeah. Thanks very much. It’s been a delight to join you for this podcast. 

Kate: Thanks Jason. And as always, if our listeners have any questions or comments, thoughts to add to the conversation, head over to leadinginconversation.net and let’s keep talking. Thanks guys.